I'm sorry brother ⚣ vkook ⚣ completed

Chapter 23

I didn't want to live like this.

Sitting in a wheelchair, or laying in my bed. I could barely stomach anything and what I did, gave me horrible aches.

I couldn't stand up, let alone walk. My legs felt like jelly. My balance was just, gone. I couldn't do anything. I was laying in bed when he asked.

"Shouldn't you tell them?" I knew he meant to tell Baekhyun I was dying, soon.

"Who am I to make them move their wedding? It would be selfish of me" I muttered, not wanting to continue the conversation.

"They'd want you to be there" Jungkook argued. I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. These kind of conversations weren't my favourite, but they need to be held.

"I don't want to die Jungkook" I buried my head in his chest. His hand was combing through my hair and the other ran over my back.

"I know, I don't want you to either" He mumbled. I lifted my head to look at him, kissing his cheek. He tried to move is head to kiss me on my lips, but I didn't let him.

"Why can't I kiss you?" He frowned.

"I'm disgusting" I had told him.

I felt like I was disgusting, I truly did. My dirty short pixie hair(which definitely didn't match my face), my yellow teeth from throwing up, my foul breath, my sickly pale skin, those bags under my red and dry eyes.

"You're beautiful" Jungkook tilted my head to kiss me. I pulled away quickly.

"I'm not, don't lie Jungkook" I sighed. "We all know I look like death, and I know I also feel like death."

"Listen to me Tae" Jungkook pulled back and took my face in both of his hands. "You're beautiful, I don't care how bad your breath smells or how red your eyes are, you're a beautiful person"

He pulled me in to kiss me, making me smile, his soft lips on my own felt like a second nature by now, like they've always belonged there. I wanted them to belong there. However, he had to pull away for us to breathe.

"Hyung" he got me to reopen my eyes and look at him. "Do you have a bucket list?"

I shook my head, asking him why I would need that.

"Well I mean, isn't there anything you really want to do before you die?" He asked. I let out a small giggle and shook my head.

"Everything I've ever wanted is here" I poked his chest. He smiled but shook his head, grabbing my hands in his.

"I mean something like going to the beach, or running around naked through the street, I don't know" he jokingly proposed. "Just, something"

"I don't know kook, there were lots of thing I wanted to do, I wanted to sing, to dance, to have k-kids, marry, I-I just...." I took a shaky breath. "That's all I want Jungkook a-and I can't do those"

"But that's okay b-because I've got you" I laid my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist loosely.

"I'm sorry Tae, that this is happening" I saw a tear running down his cheek and wiped it away.

"It's not your fault, it's okay" I smiled and kissed him once more.

"You should go to Jimin's place or something, don't rot away in this bed unnecessarily" I weakly tried to push him off the bed. He acted like he was actually falling, making me giggle and him laugh.

"I don't want to leave you alone though" Jungkook suddenly said seriously, standing up on his feet and frowning down on me.

"It's alright, I'm sure I'm not dying today" I joked.

"Hyung, dont make jokes like that." He grimaced. "I'm not leaving you alone, even if you'd ask"

"Fine" I groaned. "Ask them over"

I was honestly a bit tired, and planned to sleep when he'd leave, but I guess I can also do that with them talking downstairs.

"Should I ask Chan and Baek over as well?" I shook my head to his question.

I made myself confortable in the warm sheets and closed my eyes, hearing his footsteps getting softer as he went downstairs. Then, in silence, I fell promptly asleep.

::

Staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night was boring, I concluded. However, I couldn't fall asleep. I turned my head to Jungkook, who was laying besides me.

He looked so peaceful, so soft when he slept.

He had changed, since the moment he confessed to me and knew that I was sick, it was like he became another person. A better person nonetheless.

I grimaced at the thought of the burdens he had to bear. His brother/lover was dying; he had no parents; he'd have to go to college soon, so he'd be hung down by the house which was in another city; there were so many more problems.

I hoped his friends would help him with that, I hoped he wouldn't have to deal with everything alone, like I did, because that wasn't healthy.

I remembered the countless restless night I've head, when I was overworked and overthinking. What if I didn't make enough money? What if we had to sell the house? What if Jungkook died? What if I died?

I guess that last part was coming true, even when I hoped so much it wouldn't.

I'm not god, I can't control who dies and who doesn't, it's life, and it's unfair.