The Summer I Was Alone

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The summer i was alone hasn't happened yet

But will happen in less than 24 hours. after the hail in the grass from today's tornado watch starts to melt

and

After the bones in my backyard are cleaned by decay

The summer i was alone was dry

frightening

empty

it gave me this feeling under my skin, like my muscle fibers were bomb fuses, lighting on fire and burning to their stubs 

You'd think something like that would make you warm

But it burnt without leaving blisters; it was too close for comfort, too hot to have an absence of pain- my ribs were metal rods with high melting points, getting heat conduction, radiating and lighting orange

like the lightning bugs that kept me company in the late nights 

The summer I was alone

i didn't know what a friend was

and haven't since i was 10 and she shoved her tongue into gaping wound of a mouth 

My sins were my company, much like the riptides of feeling i was cursed with at a young age

Every day was TV static 

I even watched my plants grow and leave me behind, budding new branches and flowers, propagating, becoming something, thriving on dirt and grime

but the summer i was alone, i couldn't even do that- not even with the dirt and grime

Not even with my dogs, or the music notes that moved me, 

or the iron nails driving into the rods in my body at an attempt to fix me, make me something with a whole spine

The summer i was alone

is unknown to me

because tomorrow is my last day of school

and for now i am in the present

and the heat hasn't started yet


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