this is not a poem
this is a suicide note
one of many now
as are many past notes disguised as poems
it is 12:30 exactly on a saturday night
i cannot help but say i plan on hanging myself
from the statue of Christopher columbus
parked in the center of town
here, in southington
i will miss my friends who i love the most
i will miss the boy who has my heart
i will miss my dogs, my lizard, my fish, the future cat i never got to have
i will miss my parents, my brother, and the others
throughout life they have told me that
they believed i was going to do something great
i could never understand why they would think that
i could never understand why, me of all people, would make a change
would do something for others
i can only pray that
in my death, i will have sent a message
that those also suffering understand
i pray that the others get help before it happens to them too
i am not religious, but i pray.
i will always love the boy who truly owns my heart
i will always love the group of friends ive made my family
i will always love the family who owns me
i am sorry
to my teachers, for failing them
to my parents, for being a disappointment
to my friends, for always being down and bad
to those whos hearts ive broken because of my own instability
to my dogs, for not caring for you enough
i am sorry to god
that i couldnt love the body you put me in
that i could not consider myself sacred enough to live
i want my death publicized,
i want the world to know what it did to harm me
i have given myself the scar on my forearm, down my ribs, up my chest
but so has the world, and so has god
im sorry that, in my life, i was a bad person
im so sorry
i can only pray that i will be a better person in my death
