FOUND II [COMPLETED]

X

Isabella

"Anything else I can get you?" My nurse asked after giving me my meds for the evening. I had so many painkillers in my system that I honestly wasn't entirely sure what's been going on. I swear my doctor prescribed me fifty different types of medication, not to mention the pills my new psychiatrist is forcing me to take. This past week has been a blur. Nothing but pills and questions.

It truly was miserable.

"No." I mumbled. She nodded and left out. For the first time since I got here, I felt myself relax a little.

Since my mom was at some meeting downtown and my dad was down in the cafeteria with Blue, I finally had some time alone. Thank God for that because I was at my limit. I was so tired of the 'concerned' questions and sympathy I kept getting from everyone. I don't need to be pitied, I'm aware of what happened and I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me. I did this to myself. I know.

With that being said, I wasn't completely opposed to the idea of having a psychiatrist because it's clear I have some psychological issues. I'm not going to admit it to anyone, but yeah, I need help. This entire situation spiraled out of control and I didn't even notice. Did I think it would go this far? No. Did I think I would need a kidney transplant afterwards? Hell no. But it happened and there's nothing I can do but face it. I can think about the what-ifs all day but it's pointless. I'm just trying to move on.

I guess I should be thankful I'm alive.

I'm not gonna lie, after everything I've gone through this week I couldn't help but wonder if I'd be more satisfied if I was dead. Gruesome I know, but it's honest. Everything about me is completely messed up right now and I feel like the people around me are relying too much on these pills to fix me. Personally, I feel like the pills aren't doing much aside from numbing the pain from surgery and putting me to sleep. I feel like I can't function normally without them and I hate that. I don't need to be reliant on anything or anyone but myself. Independent women remember? I guess that logic doesn't apply in this situation.

I sighed and stared up at the ceiling. I've traced the patterns with my eyes and counted the squares at least a hundred times. Since my parents decided to take my phone and any communication with the outside world, I've had to find ways to entertain myself. Surprisingly I'm not complaining because I know the media has gotten ahold of this story, and seeing it out there for everyone to read would probably throw me a thousand steps back from any type of progress. I hate that my privacy gets invaded, and not even my parents or their fancy lawyers can control it. The internet really is poison. That's not being cliché either, it's just the truth.

In all honesty, the longer I laid here the sadder I got. It's like my reality hit me all at once. I'm sure my career is ruined– I'm probably blacklisted from any type of modeling agency in New York or California, my senior year is most definitely ruined, and to top it all off my personal life is pretty much ruined too. I'm sure I'll be on lockdown whenever I get to go home, and I'm sure my every move will be monitored until I'm twenty-one. I can't fly for awhile either, so I guess my parents plan to pull us out of school for the time being since we're up in New York right now. Either that or Blue and Jeremiah will go back to Cali with grandma and I'll be here with our parents. I hate homeschooling, so that's something I'm definitely not looking forward to. I'm a teenager, I need to be around other people my age.

I don't think my life could get any worse at this point.

I heard the door open and turned my head towards the window. I wasn't exactly in the chatty mood. It's been nearly a week and I still haven't had a full conversation with anyone. I honestly don't know if it's because of my medication or I'm just being really anti-social right now, but either way, I don't plan on having girl chat anytime soon. The only conversations I've had are with my psychiatrist, and that's only because she doesn't leave me alone until I say something because it's her 'job'. But really if I was getting those Beyoncé-sized checks then I would be doing the same. As for my family though, they'll just have to deal with my silence for now.