FOUND II [COMPLETED]

XXXIV

Jay

"Damn."

I groaned and rubbed my head as I slowly started to wake up. My body felt heavier than it did over the last few days and I felt like complete shit. It ain't even from the alcohol or blunts, I haven't touched that shit in days. It's something else, I just don't know what.

Shit, I'm in so much pain. Mentally and physically.

When I went off on Blue the other day, I felt like complete shit afterwards. I was too fucked up to do anything about it then, but it was my priority to fix things with her the next morning. I didn't care how bad of a hangover I had. I wanted to do whatever I could to earn back my baby girl's forgiveness. She was all I had left, I couldn't fuck this up anymore.

Yeah I was still hurting real fucking bad, but I had to do better. My heartache was even worse than it was when Bella got kidnapped all those years ago. Back then I had Bey to lean on, she's always been my rock, but now.... shit. She's gone, and my kids, except Blue. It's just me and Blue.

That's why I gotta fix things with her. She's all I got left.

I really took the time and planned out how I was gonna handle this. We were gonna have breakfast on the beach while I apologized for the way I acted. Yeah it sounds like a weak ass attempt to make up for my shitty behavior, but I'm not trying to do some extravagant shit to get my child to listen to me. I know I was in the wrong and Blue has every right to feel the way she does, but winning her forgiveness with some materialistic shit isn't what I'm tryna do now. I wanted genuine forgiveness so we can move forward. I wanted us to have a conversation and an open dialogue where we can talk about what happened, and what's going to happen once we get back home.

I wanted us to really think about our future without Bey and the kids; I wanted Blue to tell me how she was feeling and if she felt comfortable with moving or not, since that's what I had originally planned for us to do. There was no sense in living in a big mansion with just us two anymore. Shit, I couldn't stay there even if I wanted to. I ain't strong enough for that.

Seems fair enough right? Nah.

The problem with this plan was that I didn't get the chance to act on it. The next morning I was ready to go, I had breakfast set up and the only thing I was missing was Blue. I looked around the property for a good thirty minutes until I ran into Mathew out by the pool. He told me his ass put her on a plane and flew her back home without my permission. I would've beat the shit outta him if he didn't tell me how happy she was to get the hell out of here. So while I'm pissed and upset that I didn't get the chance to apologize, at least my child is safe with her grandma back in the states. As soon as I get to a phone it'll be my first priority to call up there.

I gotta thank Mama T for watching after Blue and letting her stay. I know that's her grandbaby, but I still want to let her know I appreciate it. Especially with this shit going on with Beyoncé and the kids, I know everyone's gotta be hurting right now. That's why I'm trying to get back home as soon as possible.

Honestly I would've been back by now if it wasn't for how bad I've been feeling. I planned on flying back that night but I decided to sleep my hangover off first, and I ended up sleeping until the next day. How? Shit, I don't know. But for these past couple of days I'm barely able to stay awake for more than a few hours. I think I'm getting sick, I just don't know how it happened or what it is. Whatever's going on isn't some lil cold either, this shit is intense. I really hope it's not the flu. I don't want to be stuck down here any longer than I already am.