FOUND II [COMPLETED]

XXXVI

"Beyoncé."

I stared back at Jay with the same blank expression he was giving me. We both looked so shocked, hurt, and confused. He was my mirror image. But for more reasons than one, I felt like we didn't have the right to feel the same way.

When I received the call around two in the morning that Blue was admitted into the hospital for numerous injuries, both externally and internally, my mind went blank. I couldn't think. But when I did regain control of myself, my first thought was that she must have survived the crash– or whatever it was that they were involved in. Of course I was elated, I was so happy. It felt strange being as happy as I was after being lost in so much darkness only a few minutes earlier.

Sienna's death was starting to take it's toll on me. I was doing my best to stay present, because I made a promise to my babies that I would, but I felt like I was slowly losing myself with each day that passed. My thoughts were getting darker and scarier, to the point where I finally scheduled an appointment with my therapist for later that week. I didn't want to turn into the person I was when I miscarried years back; and for some reason if I did happen to lose myself, I felt like it would be so much worse this time around.

I guess God decided to respond to my prayers after seeing the route I was headed. This news was exactly what I needed to lift me from that dark place, at least for now. Getting Blue back wasn't going to make up for Sienna's death, but it did help. It gave me hope. I could now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I remember asking the woman on the phone who brought her in. I wanted to know if Jay was still alive, I couldn't help but ask, I was too curious and impatient to wait until I got there to see for myself. I knew the reality of him not making it would've hurt me in an unexplainable way, but I still needed to know. I didn't want to have any expectations just in case he was dead; I didn't think if I could handle anymore heartbreak at this point. But I needed to know what happened. I needed to know if they were both okay. Being left in the dark for this long had put me in a place I never wanted to be in again. I was so lost, even if I wasn't showing it.

So you can only imagine the elation I felt when she assured me he was the one who brought her in. I was nearly sobbing, crying tears of absolute happiness. I don't think I've ever been so grateful in my life.

As happy as I was, it soon dissipated when the woman went on the explain Blue's condition. Her injuries, her trauma, had nothing to do with a plane crash. They weren't related to a crash at all. I couldn't even focus on listening to what she was saying after that because I was so confused. I felt just as lost as I had before. Nothing was making sense, and I knew I wouldn't be able to get any answers until I made my way out there. I was thankful my mother and Richard were staying with me for the time being because I was able to let her know what was going on; and she easily agreed to watch the kids while I was away. I didn't know how long this little trip would be, but Blue's doctor did say she couldn't be released for at least another week. So I packed seven days worth of clothes and scheduled my flight.

Now I'm here. Staring back at my husband who had been presumed dead for the past week and a half.

"Beyoncé, I–" Jay began, but I quickly cut him off. My mind had been racing the entirety of my flight, I needed answers. I needed to understand why he and Blue disappeared without any contact; I needed to know why I was convinced they were dead.

"What happened?" I whispered. We were now standing close enough for him to hear me speak so softly.

Jay rubbed his head as his eyes glossed over. He looked rough, like he hadn't slept in days. The bags underneath his eyes were deep and I could tell it's been a minute since he's shaved.