FOUND II [COMPLETED]

XXII

Beyoncé

I woke up to the sound of light banging against the door. I sighed and squinted my eyes at the clock on the wall to check the time. It was almost three in the afternoon. Damn I slept a lot longer than I meant to, yet I'm still mentally exhausted. There's just too much going on right now. This vacation has become extremely stressful and nerve wrecking, completely defeating the purpose. For all the money we spent on this yacht for a relaxing getaway, I could've stayed home. But at least I can say I had fun on my birthday.

I sighed and slowly rubbed my face. I have no idea what to do with Blue, I don't even know where to begin. No punishment seems appropriate for what she's done. Taking her phone, grounding her, whooping her ass, none of it seems right. What punishment is suitable in a situation for your child has selling you out because she was mad? Honestly? I'm at a complete loss.

I guess I'll just have to sit down with Jay later tonight and find a punishment we both agree on. I honestly think he's angrier than I am. I'm more upset and hurt than I am angry, but Jay is furious. I don't blame him. I'm thankful he handled the situation because I wasn't in my right mind to do so. I'm just so.... hurt. There isn't a better way to describe it. I love Blue so much, she's my baby girl, my best friend, and she owns a piece of my heart– how could she do this to me? I can't wrap my head around it.

I don't want to doubt my skills as a mother because that always sends me to a place I don't want to be in mentally, but I can't help but wonder if it's my fault. I know Blue is perfectly capable of making her own decisions, she knew what she was doing when she did it, but what drove her to that point? Was it because I yelled at her the same night, or was it something else? I just, I have no fucking clue. I don't know what to do. I can't go talk to her right now because I'll just cry or lose control of my emotions.

Out of all my children, Blue has been with me the longest. She's been with me through a lot more than my other kids have, and I thought that's always connected us in some way. Of course I love all my babies equally, don't get me wrong, but Blue and I have done it all together. She's always been attached to my hip, since she was a baby, I would bring her everywhere with me. When I called her my best friend I meant it, and I still do. But now, I just don't understand what's happened. Yes she's growing up, but she's not acting like herself at all. My baby would never do something like this to me. I don't know who this is.

I shook my head and wiped my eyes. As much as I want to lay in bed and cry, I can't. Blue has broken my heart, but I still have four more babies that need me to be there for them. I can't hide out down here all day. I need it, but it's not realistic. That's just what being a mother is about. Putting your children before yourself.

I sat up and stretched a little before reluctantly getting out of bed. I combed my fingers through my hair and walked over to the door since the knocking hadn't stopped. I have no doubt it's one of my kids, the question is which one. Most likely one of the twins.

I unlocked the door and slowly opened it, raising my brows at my youngest baby standing there.

"Hi mommy." Sienna said looking up at me. Her big brown eyes looked red, like she'd been crying. I immediately frowned.

"Hi baby girl." I squatted down so we were at eye-level with each other and grabbed her hand. "Everything okay?"

Sienna looked at me for a second before slowly shaking her head. "I couldn't find you. You were s'posed to come play." She said sadly. "I thought you forgot."

I frowned and felt my heart shatter a little. I quickly pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly before kissing her cheek repeatedly. "Mommy's so sorry, baby. I fell asleep a little longer than I had planned. We can play now though, is that okay?"