Trapped Inside Myself SEQUEL

Back on 2 feet (part 1)

Emma laid with her head across my lap as I pondered about how I got into this situation.

Barbra had left the house for work, Bill was out, Calvin was gone to baseball practice and I now was looking after Emma, I felt bad for being mean to her before when I had first met her because now I realized that she shouldn't have to be treated like I was, and no kid should go threw what I did or have an older figure beating up on them like Barbra used to do to me.

I realized for the first time she was a nice kid, and after all she was my sister weather I new about her existence or not when I first met her nothing could change the reality so I decided to make it count.

I was texting on my cell phone while she laid there breathing quietly as the tv played the credits rolled down the screen for the movie Titanic, I thought it was supposed to be heart breaking but I didn't cry or feel very sad so I figured there must be another Titanic movie.

My phone started to vibrate signalling an incoming call, I answered the phone.

"Hello?" I said cautiously.

"Hey girl." I heard Benny reply.

"Benny, why are you calling me?" I asked him.

"To make sure you got my message yesterday at lunch." He replied with attitude.

"Well I did." I said.

"Okay, and I wanted you to know how much I busted my ass for a chance for you to explain to him." Benny said with even more attitude.

"What AM I supposed to explain?" I asked rolling my eyes at his sassy essence.

"Why you rejected the poor boy, anyone can see how you two clearly have fallen for one another" he said as if it were obvious.

" Benny I don't have anything to explain, I told him what I had to say and how I feel." I said bluntly getting annoyed at how one conversation was being brought up from six months ago.

"Don't give me that crap, I know what I see and I don't know why the hell you gave up Ez but I'm giving you a chance to get him back so you better take it, you are good for him and he was better with you." Benny replied angrily, I didn't know why he cared so much, why would he bother with someone else's life?

"Why do you care?" I asked.

"Look, Ezra is my best mate, and I want what's best for him and the clique, he went down hill along with you, and I can't help him anymore, you have to, so I'm asking if you care for Ezra you need to get back together with him." Benny said sighing and I was amazed by his loyalty and how much he looked out for his best friend.
"Do you care about him?"

"You don't get it." I replied frustrated with my situation.
"I did what I did because I care for Ezra." I stated annoyedly and feeling hurt, I was mad I couldn't be with him.

"Why?" He asked sounding confused.

"Because I will hold him back, he will be burdened with me, I wake up at night craving any drug available, and if not that I am trying to resist the urge to cut myself, and it's because I'm tormented by my own brain... I can barely live with myself so why should he have to, he has everything he wants, and I won't be the one to take it away from him." I was so torn apart in my deduction that I wanted to punch a wall.

"Your crazy, why can't you see you are all he wants." Benny said, this was getting deep, I was sweating and my hands were shaking I was getting anxious and I felt like my brain was fighting against my rational and irrational sides.

"I can't do this." I said my voice cracking weakly as I hug up.

He didn't want me he didn't know what was good for him he would soon realize I was a burden if I would tell him yes.