Gracelessly

👣Crazed👣

There are no monsters in the closet or under my bed.
They're lurking somewhere much closer instead...

The real monsters name me as their prey,
And force me to live a certain way.

Their commands in my head run rampant with the voices already there,
Fighting my rebellious soul with tactics that are never fair.

The commands are all crazed
But to obey and not question is simply how I was raised.

Inside I only feel lost.
Aside, my soul has been tossed.

I have lost my way to move on
Because the voices are never absent, never gone.

You can't scream or shout.
They all prevent you from letting it out.

I thought she saved me from them
Until I found from where her true intentions stem.

It all builds and builds, trying to overflow and break the gate
But there is never a chance when the stars have already decided my fate.

I'm driven insane by the call of the moon,
Wishing the voices would give up soon.

But there my own demons run loose
And I am not stable enough to choose.

My heart is trampled, my soul has been crushed.
My decision is consequently being rushed.

They tell me my choices
And it is so tiring to block out the commanding voices.

Did I ever stand even a slight chance
In this dangerous, rebellious dance?

Can I break free and have a new slate?
Or do I simply sit around waiting for fate?

In the end, is the choice even mine?
Where is the room for my own voice to shine?

It has been crowded out
As if I have nothing to speak about.

It has been lost to time,
This decision that was once on the line.

It is hard to keep treading to keep my head above water.
So why am I still pretending to be the perfect daughter?

My heart is too frayed and worn,
Too heavy and forlorn.

She tricked me and stole,
Leaving my heart with a hole.

That toxic girl, to me, was everything.
And yet, to her, I meant nothing.

So I gave in to the voices,
I was raised to know that they made all the right choices.

I was never independent or strong
So all my thoughts are ultimately wrong.

Maybe I am not the huntress and only the prey
Because in the painful recovery I still ended up living their way.

I never in the end got a say,
Because of what unreasonable price I had to pay.

It was all for freedom and heart,
But to those tangible monsters, that was never an important part.

To them, I will give it all
Because I am too weak and painfully, gracelessly, desperately, finally, and remorsefully I fall.

I am stuck in this day,
Because the stars made me live your way.

You took my life from me
And your puppet girl is all I can amount to be.

These strings are handed over, freshly cut
When in a prison my fight was shut.

Away, my own voice you send...
Because you were simply my beginning and had to be my end.