Wishful Thinking [Completed]

Chapter 18

When the bell rang we all said goodbye to each other and each of us went our separate ways, well except for me and Caleb because we had almost every class together.

Anyway, the day went by and was extremely peaceful until lunch.

I stood in line with Caleb holding my hand when I saw her out of the corner of my eye.

Janet Marshal was my caseworker. The key word is was, because I am no longer eligible for foster care.

Janet was a medium sized woman with a nice smiling face. She seemed like the person you could trust but she wasn't, believe me.

"Candy, we need to talk! Just give me five minutes," she begged walking up to me.

"Will you leave me alone after that?" I snapped at her not in the mood for her ruining my lunch.

"Yes, I promise," was her frantic reply.

"Oh, I've heard that one before," I scoff leading her to our table where I motioned for her to sit.

Nobody had arrived yet. Caleb was in line and Daniel, Jules and Jill were in the library studying for the tests that were coming up or just purposefully avoiding me which left me alone for the first time since I had met Caleb.

I sat down and began to fidget with my fingers.

"Start talking before I change my mind," I say harshly as I glare at her.

"I just want to say... I am truly sorry for not helping you. I know I hurt you badly and I hope you can forgive me," she says putting her head in hands as she began to cry softly.

Without a word I stood up and walked out heading towards the choir.

After three years of not seeing her and now she comes begging for forgiveness? Seriously what is wrong with her! Anger clouded my vision and I stormed into the choir room feeling overwhelmed.

She broke every single promise she ever made to me and now she wanted forgiveness?! Ugh! Absolutely unbelievable.

The choir door creaked open and Caleb stepped into the room.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me as he took a seat next to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

Only then did I realize that I was shaking, but it wasn't from fear it was from anger. Taking a deep breath I calmed myself.

"Sure," I say as I began to explain what was going on.

*********
Out of all the people to not trust, the caseworker is the one you can't trust at all. They make you promises and then they turn around and break them and at the same time, they break you.

Foster parents and other kids were easy to ignore and block because they never promised anything. I learned at an early age to never trust the caseworker.

When I was going through all that I had told you about, I had begged to be moved from the foster home. Again and again, Janet promised she would move, but she never did. She sat on the side basically watching the abuse and she did nothing.

Although I had already given up hope on trusting people her lies broke me down even more than anything else.

Out of everyone I couldn't trust, Janet was the one I could trust the least.

And after three years of not knowing where I was at, she finally found me and all she wants is forgiveness, but I can't bring myself to forgive a monster who destroyed any hope of trusting again.

********

I concluded my last sentence bitterly and I turned my head away with shame for my feelings.

"I understand how you're feeling," his soothing voice said making me turn to look at him, "come on let's go back to the others and enjoy the rest of our day!"

After everything I had gone through and continued to go through, I held onto one special thing. Wishful thinking.

*****

Later on that day

 The school bell rang signaling the end of classes and the end of my distraction. The entire day the people I thought were my friends purposefully secluded me from their conversations, from their fun and from them. Needless to say that hurt. Really hurt. The only one who stuck with me the entire time was this girl named Sammy and Caleb. Apparently, I have had known Sammy since I had first started going to the school here. Which was weird since I had no clue who she was. But she was cool. She stood by me when I felt like giving up and when I felt like it wasn't worth keeping going. Even though Sammy and I became really close, I couldn't help but blame myself for losing the one person who I actually cared about for the longest time.

I had always believed that I was alone, but if I had just taken a look and opened up to Jill, then maybe the outcome may have been different. Instead, I spent all this time focused on the demons that rested inside of me and constantly plagued me with it's never ending strikes and I forgot to look around and see the distance that parted me from the other people I used to call 'friends'.

In reality, it was my fault I lost my best friend. I was selfish and stupid and I couldn't seem to open up to her enough. But I couldn't help it. I was always meant to be that lone wolf with nowhere to go. No one to turn to. I was a beast that didn't deserve anyone despite what Caleb may say. My emotions always got the best of me. The pain and hurt plagued me like a never-ending cycle of life. I had learned to deal with it until I met him. He changed my world. He made my whole body shake with joy and sparks flew across my entire being when he touched me. The thought of losing him was beyond unbearable. I honestly think I would rather lose a limb rather than lose him. And yet just like everyone else in my life I shut him out. I didn't allow him in my life. I pushed him away but he stayed and he broke down my walls. He loved me despite my scars and my problems. That was something rarely found and I didn't want to let it go.