indomitus | f. castle

VIII.

"I don't want you to leave, but I can't make you stay."

VIII.

It's been two weeks since I last saw Frank. I cried for a few days and then decided I needed to get my shit together because let's face it, I hardly knew the guy. Or at least that's what I was telling myself but in reality I knew him more than anyone. I told myself he had lied to me about who he was and even put me in danger by talking to me and I tried to convince myself that it was better this way. My life would be better without him in it, but I was only fooling myself because the truth is my life was mysterious and weird when he was in it, and I liked it. Although, Frank and I never hung out a lot there was a emotional understanding there, the connection between us was silent but did not go unnoticed by me or Frank. I know he felt it. It's been two months since I met him and that was enough time for me to grow close to him and actually care and form feelings.

I had explained my situation to Donna and boy she did not hold back on her opinion. She had taken notice that I had been upset and when I told her everything she told me I needed to suck it up, go out, and knock back a couple of shots. Her words not mine. I was hesitant, I mean I didn't know where the hangout spots were at around here and I didn't go along. So I had called Jeff, he was more than willing to comply saying he needed to get out of his place. So here we were, at some club called Night Light just fifteen minutes out of Hell's Kitchen. I had on a small black dress that stopped mid thigh and flared a bit like a cheerleader skirt. My mid drift was showing due to the opening and the top of it was more like a strapless bikini top. Going across my shoulders and upper chest was another strip of fabric showing my cleavage. My hair was in loose curls down my shoulders and back and my makeup was a bit daring than I'm use to. I felt hot and I felt good. Jeff had complimented me when he picked me up and he looked very suave as well. He had on a light blue button down with black jeans that fit snug on his his hips and legs. He also paired the outfit well with brown suede shoes. He looked hot and I told him as such. He shrugged it off, not being one for compliments.

Why couldn't I like him? My mind asked me over the course of the past week I had been spending extra time with him. I needed to get my mind off Frank and Jeff helped me with that. We went to the movies and would get lunch occasionally, he never brought up my situation after I explained it to him and I silently appreciated it. I didn't want to talk about Frank, I just wanted to hang out with him. But even through all that never once did I feel that I could or even wanted to be more than friends with him. Not that he was open to it but I couldn't be even if he wanted to be more.

"Let's get some drinks." He made sure to keep an arm around my waist seeing as the place was crowded and it'd be hell to lose him. Once we got to the bar we had to wait a minute before the bartender could come to us.

"What'll it be?" He asked.

"Four shots of your strongest tequila." Jeff tells him and the guy is quickly setting the shot glasses down in front of us and grabbing a bottle.

"Four?" I question Jeff and he just smirks, "this is just the warm up." I look at him bewildered but he ignores it and when the four glasses are filled he scoots two towards me.

"Bottoms up." He says and together we do one shot after the other.

Another two shots later added on to those two as well as three screwdrivers, I was drunk. Me and Jeff stayed together through the entire night dancing and talking. It was for the first time in a long time I was having so much fun and letting loose. By the time we were going to leave it was extremely late and part of me wanted to stay knowing that I would just be lonely when I got back to my apartment. But all good things must come to an end.