Vacant Eyes & Butterflies(Frerard)

Chapter 11- Heavy Gloom

           

Chapter 11

Heavy Gloom

"Would you ever run away, Frankie? Would you ever run away with me?"

Gerard Way's soft voice broke the ataractic silence drifting between us, much like the cigarette he lighted up after he kissed me. Flicking the cigarette's ashes onto the damp grass we both lay on, he turned his head to look at me.

"Why would you ever want to run away, Gerard?" I had a few ideas why he might've wanted to leave Belleville, but I wanted to know his exact reasoning.

"I feel like a sad song." He spoke towards the heavy clouds hanging above us. "I feel like I'm a sad song on repeat. I've been in Jersey my entire life. And I need to leave. I just don't want to be alone when I do."

"I know." I knew exactly how he felt. Okay... maybe not exactly. I mean, I wasn't some immortal schizophrenic vampire, but somehow I could relate.

"What's it like to be schizophrenic?" I wondered out loud, desperately hoping that I hadn't offended him, because Gerard was fucking unpredictable. But I knew nothing about the man I was falling in love with. I needed to know him.

He took a deep breath, smothering the cigarette into the grass. "Schizophrenia is tricky."

"Well, what do you mean?" I rolled over onto my side so I could look at that pretty face of his.

His eyebrows furrowed together, thinking for a moment. "It's just... it's seeing things and hearing things that sometimes isn't even there. And, people make it out to be this huge thing. It's like people with schizophrenia can only be controlled with a pill bottle and a strait jacket. But that's not what it is. People just don't understand, and most of the time neither do I." His expression softened. "I suppose it's like living in a dream. Because dreams are so unforeseeable, and my reality is very much so; I never know what hallucinations I'm going to have."

"Does it scare you? Not knowing what you'll see?" I ran my fingers through the grass.

He scratched the side of his head. "It used to, I think. But I've lived with it all my life it's just kind of become my norm. I think people only believe I'm crazy because sometimes I'll be outside talking to myself." He paused for a moment before he rolled over to face me. "Does it scare you? Do I scare you, Frankie?"

I replied without even thinking. "Yes."

His chest rose and then fell, almost as if he was a deflated balloon, and laid back down on the grass, looking up at the overcast sky. "I shouldn't be surprised. I scare everyone; what makes you any different?" He sadly smiled.

And I so badly wanted to be brave. "You murdered those people, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Frank."

"The bodies that the kids found in the river." I elaborated. "You killed them."

Silence.

Slowly, it began to rain.

"Can I kiss you?" He whispered, still staring at the sky.

And I wanted to feel his lips pressing against mine, and his cold flesh against my own, but I needed to know for sure if he was the man who I thought he was.

"Gerard-"

"Why does it matter?!" He screamed at me, suddenly sitting up. His words cut through me like a knife, leaving me trembling.

"You did." I sat up. "You killed those 23 people?"

"You don't fucking understand." He said emotionless.