Dear Diary|| Josh Franceschi #Wattys2017

20th of November - I'M BACK

Dear diary,
this morning I woke up the same time Josh woke up. I washed myself and I laid on the sofa while he was preparing some breakfast, then he asked me if I wanted something to eat and I refused, I didn't want to stay with him because I wanted to reflect on our situation.
Actually, I avoided him until this afternoon and I laid in my bunk listening to the Pinkprint, the last Nicki Minaj's album. That girl gives me so much strength.
Dan went to my bunk to tell me that we had to go to practice, so I prepared myself and I went with the guys in the stadium.
When I was done I went in the backstage to relax a bit with a book. Josh came and sat on the sofa in front of the one where I was sitting.
He asked if we were good.

**flashback**
'It depends' I said, leaving the book that I was reading on the table.

'It... depends? On what?' He said uncertain.

'On you, I think you misunderstood everything'
He could've understood by himself, I thought.

'Yeah, I kind of know it.'

'So why didn't you come to me to talk about it in the past days?' I was getting a bit nervous. Fucking period.

'Well, I was still angry, I thought that you didn't care about me by the way you acted when Dan asked if you 'loved his cuddle'. I know it doesn't make sense but it did make sense in the last days, into your eyes I didn't see interest in me so I called Lucy, that girl, just to see the way you would've reacted' ok. IN THAT MOMENT I was the one who was angry.

'Josh Franceschi, are you fucking serious? Two days before all that shit happened you made me upset for keeping that piece of sheet with her number on it, then you kissed me saying that you weren't interested in her, but then you called her and you took her with you on the tour bus and that made me even more upset. Then you fucked her while I spent all the night on the sofa crying because of you,  and then yesterday Matt had to take me out because otherwise I would've kept crying all day. All of this because YOU WANTED TO SEE THE WAY I WOULD'VE REACTED? Now I am the one that thinks that you don't have interest in me' I placed my hands on my face, irritated and sad for the fact that he didn't even gave me a response.

'JOSHUA YOUR BREAK IS DONE! YOU HAVE TO COME BACK TO PRACTICE!' A voice yelled from down the corridor.

'Maybe we'll have the chance to talk about it later,if you want it' he looked at me while he stood up.

'Alright, you better think about what you want to tell to me before you say it, you could hurt me way more than you did until now.' And he walked away.

-- 2 hours later --

JOSH'S POV

I think that if I will lose the only fact that will comfort me is the fact that I do deserve to lose her for how I treated her since the beginning of the tour. I knew that she wasn't comfortable in all that situation because of me but I kept acting like that. I thought I was making the right thing because my little brother died because of her, but I was doing the same thing that she did. I'm not like this, I swear.

I went in my changing room to wash myself and wear anoher t-shirt  and then I went back to the place where I talked with Joleene earlier, I knew she was still there.

''Here I am'' I said and I sat next to her.

"I do not deserve to be treaten like that, I accepted the fact that you said to the guys to not talk to me, I accept all the things you did to me because of the pain I caused to your family because I deserved  it. But now that the things are clear at least between us, how dare you come and play with my  feelings?" I knew she was containing herself, she was forcing herself to not yell at me.

"See, i am really sorry, I know that you probably won't believe me but I did because, as I said earlier, I was angry. I know that it was the wrong way to see if you were interested in me or not, and I know that i had no reason to be mad at you. I ask you to forgive me because I never meant to hurt you since, as you said, things are clear between us and I understood what type of person you are." She was about to cry and I felt so damn horrible.

"But you said that you wanted to see my reaction so I guess you didn't give a fuck  if I reacted like this" she was right, I was just being extra and selfish as always when I called that girl. I thought that the pain I felt was bigger than everyone else's pain.

"Yeah, you are right. I didn't during that moment, I was letting anger control my action"I placed my hands on my face, I was starting to be desperate for her forgiveness.
She started sobbing silently, but I noticed it and I hugged her.
She started to sob louder and I held her thight while I placed kisses on her head. This seemed to upset her even more, so she stood up and so did I.
She wanted to walk away but I blocked her holding her wrist.
I looked her in her eyes for some seconds and I realized how hurt she was. I pulled her again into an hug.

"Please tell me what's wrong"-I reapeated like four or five times- "please we can fix this, okay? I know I've been a dickhead."

"Were you enjoying the time you spent with her?" She turned back and went to sit on the sofa, and I went with her,but this time I was on my knees in front of her.

"No, I wasn't. You know why I did that." I didn't see the point in her question.

"But you were so happy, I saw that chemistry"

"Nothing between me and her was real, and you know it. That's a thing that I told you multiple times"

"So what if you are faking everything with me? Please don't play with my feelings anymore, leave me alone" she sounded desperate.

"I am not and I could show you now and everytime you want." I grabbed her face gently but she distanced herself from me.

"Don't you dare to kiss me again" she said with her eyes full of tears.

"Why?"

"Because I don't wanna fall in love more than I already did." A big smile  grew on my face.

"Say it again" I was about to burst out laughing because of the happiness.

"C'mon you understood, stop please"

"Yeah yeah, right"- I said with the biggest smile on my face -" but now I think that you are the one who hasn't understood something"

"What?" She was confused but still so cute. Aw.

"I like you. I really do." She took my head with her hands and kissed me slowly.

**end of the flashback **

So, yeah, here is what happened and I am so happy. We decided to start dating and after the concert we told the guys about our decision and we've been glad to see that they were haopy for us.

That's all for now.
Byee, Joleene🌹