Dear diary,
I'm really tired today, we travelled for about six or seven hours from portland to Vancouver.
From what I saw from the bus window, it's a really nice city, I would really like to visit it but we haven't got time, the only thing we did today was practising.
Again and again.
Practice, practice, practice.
I wasn't comfortable at all, this wasn't my first practice, but I felt that something was wrong inside me.
Something in my chest started to hurt, it was an emotional pain.
I found it difficult to breathe and later I had an anxiety attack.
A guy from the stuff helped me,I hate my disorder, I hate when people see me in those conditions, I never want to look weak in front of the other ones.
I ran out of the stage, I still couldn't breathe so easily even though I felt better.
I decided to return in the tour bus and I started crying.
Obviously my manager wanted me to finish the practice, but when he saw me he understood that I wasn't fine at all, so he let me go.
I really think that I'm going to quit the tour if all this situation will still be like this in the next days.
I miss my family and my friends, I thought that I would made some friends on tour and had fun everyday, but as everyone can see thing are going in the opposite way.
Anyway, earlier Matt wanted to talk with me, he didn't understand what happened so I told him that I wasn't feeling very well so I decided to stop my practice there.
He gave me a sad look and then I started crying , that was so awful, I hated to look so desperate but I couldn't hold it all inside me no more.
He hugged me and asked me what was going on, and I told him all.
I told him about Sarah, I told him that I missed my friends and family, that I was thinking about quitting the your because I can't handle all this situation anymore and that I knew that Josh was convincing them to ignore me. He didn't say anything about this last thing, but he tried to comfort me for the other things.
I think it was nice of him to care about me, he stayed with me for a little longer and then he left the room smiling at me.
I hope today's show is going to make me feel well.
I'll come back tomorrow, Joleene.
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Dear Diary|| Josh Franceschi #Wattys2017
Hayran Kurgu"I still remember you as a little girl who overwaters plants because she doesn't know when to stop giving" - Trista Mateer (@tristamateer if you want to follow her on twitter)
