Hansel & Ingrid [JULNIEL]

Fifteen: Hansel's Past

HANSEL

       It was senior year. People knew me; they'd whisper about me, eyes would glance whenever I pass by. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the attention—people treated me like I was a celebrity. Glistening, untouchable, and only the almighty could approach. Being popular was convenient, the people around you would adjust to you, and it made everything in highschool way easier. Even though I was popular, I minded my own business. 

       I only had two friends. Millany and Eric. We were best friends. We have our own spot at the cafeteria. We'll talk about music day and night, we'd sing songs in Eric's car, we'd go to concerts every now and then. And they knew well how I liked making songs of my own.

       Then this singing contest appeared. They urged me to compete and kantahin ang sarili kong kanta and it went well—nanalo ako. It boosted my popularity even further and people from different cliques started approaching me. I started going out more often. Millany, Eric, and I started hanging out with a bunch of people and at first—they all supported me and my songs. Then Eric introduced Jandy. I liked her. She was everything I yearned for. Sabi niya gan'on din ang nararandaman niya. Kaya naging kami, and naging parte na siya ng malaking squad namin. And then— 

       Wala namang ambulansya sa paligid pero sumasabog ang sirens sa ulo ko.

       Kami lang dalawa ni Ingrid sa buong cafe pero parang ilang daang mata ang nakatitig sa'kin.

       Naririnig ko, nang sobrang linaw, ang pagkabog ng dibdib ko, ang paglunok ng dry kong lalamunan. Dama ko ang bawat pulso sa katawan ko, bawat tulo ng pawis sa noo ko. Lahat.

       "Gumagawa ka ng mga kanta?" Inulit ni Ingrid. Her voice was still soft. But it wasn't enough to calm me down. "As in, lyrics, melody, chords, at lahat pa?"

       Hindi ako makapagsalita. Kaya tumango na lang ako. Ipinikit ko ang mata ko at huminga ng malalim. Hindi ako pwedeng makita ni Ingrid na ganito. Ayokong atakihin dito.

       "Di nga?" Naririnig ko sa boses ni Ingrid ang ngiti niya. She was smiling. Why is she always smiling?

       Tumango ulit ako. Nararandaman ko na konti na lang, kakalma na ako. Kaya ko 'to.

       "Grabe Hansel! Magaling ka nang kumanta, nagsusulat ka pa ng mga kanta!" Umalog ng kaunti ang mesa sa gitna namin. Her voice started soothing me again. "At umaarte ka pa! Hehehe! Anong hindi mo kayang gawin?"

       I paused. I opened my eyes to look at her, pero hindi ako makatingin ng deretso sa mga mata niya. "Make songs." I mumbled.

       "Ha?"

       "I can't make songs." I tried chuckling it away. The angst was too much for me. Buti na nga lang ay kumalma na ako eh.