A SWIM ACROSS TIME...

CHOiCES

Today,
I fall ,
for all of us.
- Ibreathemagic

I could feel the hair rise on my shoulders ,the pencil on my hand unable to draw more than a few lines. I turned towards the other side but quickly turned my face away. But even then,I can feel the eyes bore holes on the side of my face,I could feel the thought undressing me ,first it was my blue black quarter length hijab,then it was my flowery Ankara ,then it was my undies .Till I was left naked ,and if he tried just a little more he can see through my white bones,and into my soul .

I shifted in my chair for the hundredth time,but I could still feel those eyes . And every time I turn back,I know I was right. I wanted it to stop,I wanted to shout but I tried to maintain my cool. Last week, Ify had to hit a guy's face with a bunch of papers .

The clocked ticked by,seconds seems to fly .Minutes later,I could barely hold my pencil,I could barely breathe well. I wanted to use my hands and cover my body,the clothes couldn't protect me. The hijab could have been transparent because it didn't make any difference. But then,I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Do you mind?" I snapped at the boy,the boy with a creamed long sleeve shirt,the object of all this unfavorable feelings. "Is staring rudely at girls your hobby or does it come with the job description of being a creep." I hadn't realise my voice has risen higher than I wanted,till the class suddenly got quiet and everyone was staring at our direction.

I packed up my board and pencils ,and quickly walked out of the class. I could still feel my skin tingling ,I kept looking back as I hurried towards my hostel . God! I am so tired of people like that, as if you are a block of wood made solely for their enjoyment and amusement . Like you don't have blood and bones underneath your skin. As if you could not feel their creepy eyes making a mark on your skin ,taking away the energy from your legs ,making your heart race ten times faster in fear .

I only was able to sigh in relief when I was safely within the girl's hostel . I was only able to reduce the speed in my legs when I was sure I was far away from those creepy eyes. But like spiders,they kept crawling on my skin. And I was relieved I was in class ,and there were people around.

And then someone said,that clothes protect you when there are a million out there with that kind of eyes and a mind that has a twisted kink for a covered body,the one that will always try to see beyond the clothing. The look that leaves you mentally traumatised wondering if I thousand things could have gone wrong if you were walking down a
deserted street ,or a dark road. If you had been alone in a park or a public bathroom.

"How come you are back ,I thought you went to do your assignment." One of my roommates Mardiyya asked . She was doing her diploma program in Guidance and counseling .

"Yeah, I came back. I think it is better I just do it here." I gave her a vague explanation, refusing to disclose the real reason why .

"Sha, you guys even try with the outdoor reading. I prefer to read in my room ." She explained and at first I pretended to be listening before I zoned out as usual. She seemed to have noticed because she soon stopped talking and exited the room. I feel bad when things like this happen but I can't help it. My mind seemed to have developed a mind of it's own , making me fall victim to it's ploys.

As if my terrible mood wasn't enough , the number that appeared on my screen almost made me puke. Her name flashed on top of the screen and I wondered why she was calling me. What does she want? Does she want to rub all my other insecurities in my face or gloat over what she had done to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why couldn't she stay out of my way?

I ignored the call but soon after it cut, the number started calling again. I wanted to ignore it but I concluded it was better I get it over with. Listening to what she was going to say was going to be extremely difficult . But I know her enough to know that she will never stop until she gets her way.