Red Satin _ vkook

5. illusion

Nights have to be quiet.. to calm the soul.... to rest the human body.

But a lot of people don't sleep at night time... two or three o clock, in a lot of different places in the world, some people dance at the clubs, others are taken in the lonely companionship of the Internet.. others are having sex and others like Taehyung.....stay awake like owls but with the difference that they don't have animals to chase...

Taehyung is sitting alone...looking outside of the window like he is waiting for something to change in the background... like he will see very soon a spectacle that has never seen it before. His company a bottle of alcohol and warm quilts on the couch.

The stars don't sing for him tonight...don't shine for him either... They seem indifferently for him while he is drowned in feelings he can't explain with his thoughts, lips and logic.

First glass; Stress and pressure. The drink descends to the mouth and tongue, ending up in his stomach and he wants those feelings to stay there too...he doesn't need them in his life and mind anymore. The taste is sweet, but it burns... it burns a lot... there's flames... fire... colors inside of his neck. Second glass; Desires that have been trampled. Leaves a groan as he is drinking fast. A groan from a strong voice that doesn't know how to talk, doesn't know how to use words, how to claim what he wants. A baby who is screaming and can't express feelings.

Such a beautiful kid. The small blue train he wanted for his birthday he'd never got it. He could get it.. he could play with it. After all...it was just a kid back then. He wanted to let his imagination be released. His hands longed to touch it with desire. Shiny and smooth behind the showcase, a few centimeters away from the boy. His big like moons eyes stared at it for minutes and minutes... What is the meaning of this train anyway, he could easily stand without it. But no...for him it was unfulfilled happiness. Kids know what they want very well.

He needed the blue train... He wanted to devote himself to this small object, and when the toy would break, he would cry for it until his eyes and lips would become red cherries. A soul existed inside of the train, it would be a companion for him, It could tell him stories about places and creatures that no adult human lips could tell. Then...he has grown up...the thoughts had changed, needed people...needed a human body, voice and connection. Birth of egotism and passion.

Third glass; Mission - forget. The body complains, is against about what is happening. Pain... it burns... Torture and dizziness.

This owl has no eyes to see..this owl is blind, with no purpose, lost in an endless forest with fog. There are thorns on the floor that hurts his foot...

Lifting his legs and lying on the couch, the blankets are willing to embrace and warm him like parent hands, but he denies it and let them dropped to this disgusting floor. Deep breaths inside-out.

He feels a strange pleasure, The warm blood flows into his veins faster...warmer..and warmer. He wants to burn him in a torturing desire. The dry fount of his imagination it begins to run plenty of water. Big waves are moving in front of him filled with secret beautiful places that he can't reach them either with endless running in a desert.

A dark shadow is dancing in front of him, wants to quench him at least visually. This shadow is not innocent, this shadow is dirty.

''What do you want from me..''

It's a boy. There's no big soft breasts, no sharp curves. it moves touching his own thighs. Taehyung's eyes are open and blind, looking at his brain's illusion. He wants to see the face of the shadow... he can't see clear his body too. This shadow is not enough for him. He feels warmer than ever, drops of sweat glow from his forehead. These blooming flowers close to his face are gray, not yellow, orange or pink. He thinks, he deserves something better than this color.

Taehyung's legs open a bit more.. showing his erection to the shadow... Sly smile in those shiny wet lips, finish the image. The walls in the room are not happy for this. Taehyung is beautiful... but his smile is miserable.. ironic..with his fake, poor proud. A tragic spectacle for the facts of the real life, masterpiece for a photographer who would be delighted with his expressions and his erotic pose.

''Where are you going?..''

His voice raspy and deep wants the boy to come back. The shadow gets lost slowly...dissolves and fades away with a complete indifference. Did his bad job to Taehyung, he dragged him into fantasy... it was a bad joke to his complete humiliation, who thought that he could enjoy for a few minutes more...Even with an illusion that would keep his attention...forgetting the situation he really is. To keep his mind busy from the monsters that are hiding in the caves of his mind and they eat from his ugly thoughts. But no...Taehyung knows well that the monsters are not in his head...the real monster was himself. He believes that.

His smile disappears with the same way...Second part; psychical pain.

Warm, hot rain runs in his cheeks. His shirt Absorbs all the tears. Falls and falls with black feelings in every drop. Feelings that he can't say... this mouth is locked, and the key to open it has not been given to anyone. Taehyung thinks that if a person wants the key, have to get it from angry demons who are watching it with hot lava around it. So much trouble...it's worth it?...

After some minutes...he fall asleep. Quietly, without interruptions. This owl slept well the rest of the night for the first time after a long time with noise pollution in his head...

I should be sleeping but it's too hot dammit summer.. I want to go to the sea....right now yes...