That Jerk is a Cupid

Chapter 6

IT’S BEEN almost a year since Croxx decided to go in Greece. To live there, and continue everything he already started. It’s been also a year since the last time I saw him, and that last encounter of us? Well, I may say that it’s full of absurdity. But I don’t regret my decision of letting him go, ‘cause first of all... we’re just nothing.

‘‘Zari, can we talk?’’ My mom called from the outside. I didn’t gave an answer to her. But still, she came in.

‘‘Dear, you didn’t left your room for almost a year, stop locking up like there’s no tomorrow. Tapos na ang eskwela, siguro naman wala ka ng maidadahilan sa pag kukulong mo rito?’’ She sighed.

I groaned. ‘‘Mom, I just don’t want to go outside.’’

‘‘Yeah, and I’m so worried. Hindi maganda ‘yan para sa‘yo. All you need is some fresh air to breathe.’’ Aniya habang tinitignan ako sa isang nag aalalang mga mata.

I sighed, ‘‘Mom, I’m fine. Sanay na ako sa ganito, wala namang bago.’’ I smiled. A fake one.

Akala ko’y hindi ako tatantanan ni Mommy at pipilitin akong mag salita. Pero laking gulat ko ng halikan niya ako sa aking noo, matapos nuon ay tahimik niyang nilisan ang aking kwarto.

Napa buga ako ng hangin. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko parin alam kung bakit ako nag kakaganito. Kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay siya parin ang laman ng isip ko, ng puso ko.

Fuck!

‘‘I’M TELLING YOU man, she looks so devastated.’’ My cousin, Asher said at the back of the phone call.

‘‘And what do you want me to do, then? Kumaripas ng takbo pauwi diyan, lumuhod sa harapan niya at pag mukhain ulit kaawa awa ang sarili ko─’’ I hissed.

‘‘No it’s not─’’ Putol niya sa sinasabi ko na agad ko ring pinutol.

‘‘Then what?!’’ I yelled with snort, as I folded my arms and leaned against the side table next to mine.

‘‘I’m so worried, dude. She change a lot, ni hindi na niya makuhang lumabas ng kwarto, kumain o ano.’’ Sunod sunod na palahaw niya kung kaya’t agad kong inilayo sa aking tainga ang telepono.

‘‘I’m your cousin too, hindi lang siya ang nasasaktan. Oh yeah, that’s the freaking question. Nasasaktan nga ba talaga siya? As in for real? Heck, I doubt that.’’ I faked a laughed.

‘‘Such a dope, she’s a girl for fuck’s sake! May damdamin yung tao, gago.’’ Ilang malulutong pang mura ang pinakawalan niya.

Napa irap ako sa kawalan, ‘‘As if I don’t have a feelings too. Nasasaktan rin ako, triple pa sa nararamdaman niya.’’ I sighed, then I ended the call.

Damn, what now?

Dahil sa sinabi ng gagong yon, parang kalahati sa pagkatao ko’y gustong tumakbo pabalik ng pinas, pabalik sakaniya.

But the thing was, I already knew that it was impossible. Me and her? Damn, wala naman talagang ganon una palang, ako lang talaga. Ako lang. ‘Cause I know, that in this whole creepy world. I could never ever end up with someone like Zari. Because Zarianne was everything. She didn’t look like she existed in the real world, ‘cause damn, she’s beyond perfect and I felt belittled because of that. And I know the merely fact that she’s something, while me? I’m just nothing compared to her.

I tried to escape the saddest part of my life, which is to be ignored by her. To be hate by her. Damn, it’s so unfair. I tried to get my self an actual girlfriend. And pretend that I have never, even for a moment dreamt, to be part from her life. Where she and I might have a thing, the crazy thing to be so called love. No flings. No flirtyness. But I sucked it up. I still ended up on being me, the real me, the playboy one. The sad truth was that, I have never been able to do it. To walk away, far from her. ‘Cause the truth is, I still find myself falling from her. Deeper and even crazier than I ever did before.