Just another guy G.D.

My end. Chapter 18

  Life can be taken in a blink of an eye. I always read in books, always expressed in my painting a sense of death. No one truly feels death, because it's an event that happens once. Like birth, it happens once, but unlike birth a person can't prepare for it. To be torn away from everything you've ever known, everything you've ever had.

I never wanted to die sad, my biggest fear became reality, or so everyone thought.

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                                       Veronica Jenesis

"I am so sorry." A known deep voice fills my ears.

"I knew I was supposed to stop smoking, especially since the incident, but shit I needed it. I don't know if you can hear me, but I don't regret my actions, I mean I never have, until I realized what a toll they had on you. I let you down and alone. You took my consequences, laying here unconcious for 5 days! 5 fucking days, you never move, not even a twitch in the body! And it's all my fault, if I wasn't smoking with my friends, we would have been talking about our shitty days. I needed to tell you about a party, about your friend. I took her virginity away from her and she was drunk and I sober. I hadn't even gotten a drink, but I was selfish and I saw her. I knew she would never talk to me if she was sober, so I took advantage of the situation. She was different, and I just wanted to talk to her, but when she laid her hands on me, I couldn't control myself. I never control myself, I have no fucking self control! What is wrong with me? And she was beautiful, she was like fire, everything burned within me. Once I was in her, I realized how hard it was to move and I realized after I finished that she bled a little. And when I left ashamed of how I took advantage of her, because of how selfish I was, I knew how Grayson felt. How could us bad guys go for such nice people? We're selfish and I knew that he broke your heart, but I just needed to be with people like me. I'm an asshole and I felt guilty for the first time in a long time. I felt guilty looking at you, because I let Grayson break your heart and I felt guilty for basically raping your friend. Then my actions from my past brought me guilt, it was like every moment came back and I was drowning in them. I did the first thing, I thought could take it away, or at least make me forget for just a little. Now my stupid decision fell on your shoulders. You care, so much and you never give up on me." By now I could hear my brother struggling not to break down.

"When I said those words to you, the words before the incident, I didn't mean them. Those words were guided towards myself, because damn it's true. Nobody wants me here and if you leave it's going to be so hard. I don't know how I will calm ma, I don't even know how to calm myself. I'm on the edge of falling Veronica and I don't know how to step away."

The hurt in his voice, I wanted to take that away, I wanted to sit up and comfort him. I couldn't move and I just saw darkness. I could feel his presence, I could sense his pain and all I wanted to do was break away from this trap.

"I love you, so so much. Please if you leave I'm all alone, nobody truly understands me like you. I couldn't live with myself if you were to never wake up! Wake up! Fucking wake up!" My heart hurt to hear his pain.

His sobs grew louder as he expressed himself. I heard a machine start to beep.

"Beep, beep, beeeep." My brothers voice only became louder.
"Help! The machine isn't working!" Hearing other voice telling him to leave. He continued to try to fight them off. "She needs me! I need her, just let me stay please." He begged and in the moment, my heart hurt so bad. I can't leave him, I need to wake up.

After several minutes, the chaos become quiet. The sound of the door closing alarmed me.

I could hear the chair next to me, making a screeching noise.
"I don't know if you can hear me, but it's me, pumpkin." The voice rang in my ears. Every memory spent with him skimmed across my heart. He gently takes my hand in his.

"I broke your heart, and I thought I was doing the right thing. I am so in love with you, it's actually the first time being completely sober, since breaking up with you. And damn, every emotion has hit me. I made a mistake, saying that I was trying to protect you. I realized it was a lie, it was me pushing you away,  I tried so hard to keep this image in my head that I could never love, but it wasn't until you came along that I realized beneath my anger was love. Love for Eth, love for my dad, love for my mom, love for you and damn even love for your brother. The dumb bad guy image was literally in the title: an image. Ethan was right, people die and we have to move on, but I can't move on from you. You brought me back, you believed in me, you showed me something new and I threw it away. In the end, I drove you away to the point where you're held hostage in deep sleep. I love you Veronica so much, I love your passions, I love your determination, I love how deep down inside of your innocent brain is a freaky ass girl, I love the way you easily forgive, I love that you only see the good in people, and I love that you can make me say love a good 5 times in a sentence. You deserve the world, so please wake up. I'll want to be better for you, even if at the end of the day, you don't want to be with me." Grayson's voice is filled with hope and passion. I feel his soft wet lips on my temple.

"I know you wilk wake up, and when you do I'll say sorry and get out of your way, I know how much you must hate me." He kisses my forehead and seconds later I hear a door shut.