Unspoken

To the man I once loved

JUNE 201X

To the man I once loved,

Hi. How are you? I hope you're fine, without me.

I am sorry. I know I'm months late to say this but I really am sorry. Sorry for neglecting you.

February.
I got confused of my feelings I even cried out of frustration. Ginawa ko ang lahat para iwasan na magkita tayo. I thought kapag hindi kita nakikita, maramdaman ko na namimiss kita. Pero days passed, hindi ko naramdaman. It's as if I don't even care of your absence. I know, cruel, right? Maybe because I feel free. And I liked it.
And yet, I felt more frustrated when our valentines day was a disaster. So I thought, yes I love you still.

March.
I started feeling cold. Cold to you. You started discussing about our future. Your plans for the two of us. Ako? Nakikinig lang ako sa'yo. I just agree with anything you say. Sa totoo lang naisip ko that time, "I feel like hindi naman 'to matutupad." Maybe by that time, I already have the thought that "The End" is not with you and soon I'll break up with you. But, I did not.

Why? Because I keep telling myself that maybe the cold feeling that I have is just the same as how I felt before, when I called our relationship off. Remember? Last year, I told you that I'm not happy anymore. It only lasted for a few weeks and we're together again. And so I thought its just the same. That is why I stayed with you.

But things went the wrong way. Saying 'I love you' became harder to do. I gave you the excuse that "You know me, I am not very expressive of my feelings." I became less responsive to you. I even hated you for asking everything I do. Even the smallest detail, you ask for it. I hated that I always need to report my every move. That was then I started yearning for freedom. I feel like I am just dragging myself to say I love you, to talk to you, to be sweet to you.  That made me sad. I'm tired.

I know by that time I am already hurting you. You were so sure that I am the one. Sorry, I don't feel the same way.

D-day came. You asked if I still love you. My answer? "I am not sure anymore."
You said to me: "Then let's stop this."
I agreed, partly because I thought its just a joke, the other part? I want to. You did not even made it hard for me to break up with you. It just went like that.

I agreed that we should just be friends. But I think it is not possible as of the moment. I feel really guilty of what happened I can't even manage to talk to you. I am at fault. I hope, in time, we can be friends.

I now have my freedom and I'm happy. Do not think that I want a new man or I'm in love with someone else. For the time being, I have no plans of being committed to anyone other than my family.

I really am sorry. I hope you're doing fine. But I think 'Us' is  not possible anymore. The feeling is gone. 

P.S. Hindi pa rin ako ang katapat mo. You still managed to have another girl. Good luck!

-The woman who broke your heart. (Or so I thought), Ahn