Disney Got It Wrong

Chapter 7

WARNING: This chapter includes an explicit depiction of bulimia and the thought processes and rationale behind the tendencies of those who suffer from eating disorders. If the subject matter is something you are sensitive to or may trigger negative behaviors, please skip this chapter.

I walked out with a fresh pitcher of sweet iced tea and set it on the table on the back deck before joining the rest of my guests on the lawn. Sam was manning my grill as he always did at these things because apparently it was unseemly for a woman to man the grill at a barbeque regardless of her cooking skills. And the kids were tearing ass on the fort and in the sand pit while the adults indulged in some appetizers and drinks.

"There you are."

I turned from Natalie and my mom to see Wesley walking up with Breslin clinging to his back, and my breath seized in my chest. He flashed me that crooked smile I loved so much, and my heart followed my breath's example. My eyes instantly welled with tears, and I wanted to say so much at once. I wanted to ask how he was there and tell him I loved him and missed him and tell him how hard it'd been without him, that I felt like I'd been hanging on by a thread. But none of that seemed to matter. What was important was that he was there, and somehow I knew I wouldn't have long with him.

"Daddy, your hair is getting in my face," Breslin giggled.

"Oh yeah?" he taunted with mischief in his gray-blue eyes, and in response to her complaint he tilted his head back and shook his mess of curly hair in her face to a riot of giggles.

That broke me. I couldn't help it. As elated as I was to see him with her that way, the way it should have been for them, it broke my heart to know that it wasn't real. I knew I was dreaming.

Breslin saw my trembling lip and the tear before I could dash it away, and her smile faded.

"What's wrong, Mama?" she asked.

Wesley let Breslin down and pulled her around under his arm, giving her an affectionate squeeze. "Mama's okay, Monkey. How about you go play with your brother and your buddies so me and Mama can talk."

Breslin nodded and gave him one more squeeze before she took off, then he stood and looked at me with a softer smile and his arms open. I stepped into him on weak knees, my fingers curling into a tight grip in the back of his shirt as his arms wrapped around me, and it felt so good. I tried to feel everything and recommit it all to memory as he enveloped me in his warmth. I buried my face in his chest to smell him and was reminded of how it felt to belong to someone and have everything I ever needed in an embrace. The tears came with my exhale. I was trembling all over with so much emotion, and Wesley hugged me so tight as he gently swayed with me and shielded me from the eyes of our guests.

"Shhh," he whispered to me, his cheek resting against my temple as one hand came up to stroke my hair. "I'm here, baby."

"Don't leave me, Wesley," I managed to sniffle out.

He didn't answer me. Instead, he pulled back and released me to wipe away my tears before he pressed his lips to mine in a sweet kiss.

"I never left you," he began. "Not really. And I'm so proud of you, Raegan. You're brave, smart, strong. You're doing an amazing job with Breslin, and Isaac is everything I would have wanted in a son."

I shook my head, fighting to gain control of my emotions. "No, I'm not. I'm hurting. I'm not okay. I needed you. I still need you. We needed you."

"I can't change what's happened," he said sternly. "We can't go back. You have to move on with your life, Rae. You have to put the pain behind you."