Disney Got It Wrong

Chapter 11

That kiss with Myles followed me around for the rest of the day. I tore through my house with my bucket of cleaning supplies with a vengeance trying to keep my mind off of it. I alternated between stewing about Natalie and Derek, my jaw clenching and my hands tightly gripping whatever cleaning utensils as I replayed those scenarios, and drifting back to the way Myles's lips had felt against mine, slowing in whatever I was cleaning and even occasionally stopping as my heart raced at the thought of his enthusiastic reciprocation. I just couldn't wrap my head around it.

I mean, I wasn't so naive not to realize that there was something there to begin with. There was an attraction between us that we never spoke on. But it was obvious by the way I acted around him, always too stiff and aware of myself and unable to look him in the eye until we fell comfortably into whatever conversation or activity we were mutually involved in. And to be fair, even that was getting easier the more time we spent together, but the more comfortable we got the heavier the flirting got.

Even our snaps, which were now less of an every morning thing and more of an all through the day thing, were getting more personal with things like Myles sending me photos of him still laying in bed and asking me to come cuddle with him. He'd made certain comments about my 'nice legs' and liking the 'kissable' swollen look my lips had when I'd just woke up, and his new favorite emoji was the one with hearts for eyes.

Okay, so maybe the whole SnapChat thing was a little juvenile. Silly even. But I like to think it's one of those cute little things that people miss when the new wears off. But the bottom line was that we weren't in a relationship, and we were getting too close. I was already caught up in one messy entanglement and didn't need to slide right into another. And now I had gone and kissed him, full on made out with him in public right after Derek announced what an easy whore I was. He had taken it further than I would have, and I was afraid of what the repercussions might be between us, especially since I tucked my tail and ran immediately after. 

"I'm such a fucking spazz," I groaned to myself standing at the kitchen sink.

I was scrubbing the sink and fixture with stainless steel cleaner and polisher and trying not to glance out the window over the privacy fence. His Jeep wasn't there, so he wasn't home. Then again, he usually kept it in the garage, so maybe he was home and just unwilling to come talk to me about what had happened. My phone, which I was also trying to avoid checking, was disappointingly silent. No messages, no calls, nada. So, what the hell was I supposed to do?

I dropped the towel I was using in the sink and set the can of cleaner down and gave in to the urge to look out the window again. I swallowed down the nerves and willed my heart to slow its furious pace. I was embarrassed, disappointed, and even a little hopeful, but mostly afraid.

Where did we go from that? What did he expect? More importantly, what did I expect? Was the friendship ruined now? Did he maybe believe the things Derek had said now that he had time to consider? He had clearly acted on impulse and was probably regretting it, too.

As the evening wore on with continued radio silence, my embarrassment slowly turned to anger toward myself. Despite his willingness to stand up for me against an obvious bully about four times my size, Myles didn't deserve to get caught up in the mess that was my life. But what if what he thought was kind of obvious to everyone but me? What if he felt something for me that I was oblivious to? And maybe he was mad at me for running off and had likely expected me to reach out to him about it. The poor guy was probably confused and just as unsure about what to do. I would have been all the way up in arms if I were in his shoes.

I'm a fucking prick, dude.

After a distracted dinner with the kids and getting them off to bed, I finally faced my phone. I had to charge it and set my alarms for the next morning. It still hadn't made a sound, and I had been too chicken all afternoon to pick it up and face the music, so now it was time for me to finally man up and reach out. I owed our friendship that much, right? Besides that, there was no way I'd be able to sleep until I knew what kind of ground I would be navigating from there on out.