Demons ~ Luke Hemmings

1

'When the days are cold, And the cards all fold

And the saints we see, Are all made of gold'

~~~~~~

Sitting down on the staircase, i looked around the corner into my living room as I watched my family sat around the dinner table eating supper.

I couldn't stop the tears from escaping my eyes as i observed them all, listening to their conversations, hearing my 'sisters' laugh and smile at my parents, all of them looking like a happy family.

I wondered what it would be like if i was never here. If i was never apart of this family, though sitting here watching them it seemed as though i was never truly apart of it.

I looked down at my sleeved through my glassy eyes and pulled them up slightly, tracing my fingers along the deep red scars that lay there, most of them old but several new. It seems as though all the days are cold and there's nobody around who cares anymore. Like the cards have all fold and everyone had just given up on me.

They don't care about me and i realise now that they never really did. Being hated, despised, bullied by them all for no reason was something that continued to haunt me.

I was the one to blame for bringing this family down, i was the one who they turned to when they were angry, sad, upset...even when they were bored.

I only wished that they would treat me as their own, even for a day i just wished they would, just like they use to. But they never did.

I would hear it repeatedly when they hit me, mocked me and abused me. I'm bad blood. I don't belong to them, i don't belong to anyone, not anymore.

My real parents were gone and they were never coming back.

I ran upstairs into the bedroom closing the door behind me as my tears began pouring from my eyes, which must've been the fifth time today.

Sitting down on the edge of my bed, in the small confinements of the room they had given me i opened the small wooden bedside drawer and pulled out the picture frame that sat there.

It was the five of us. Stood together on the beach, Crystal and Nicole on either side of me, crouching down to my level as i stood, smiling gleefully with my blue bucket and spade in hand as mother and father stood on either side of them, all of us looking like one big happy family, and me feeling like i belonged.

Funny how it all seemed to change.

I flipped the silver frame over and unhooked the clips, taking out the back and removing the photo that i kept hidden behind the original.

The picture of the three of us. My real parents, smiling as my mum held me, a little baby in her arms smiling up at the camera with dad beside her, leaning in with his arm around her shoulder as if even in the picture he still felt the need to protect us both.

I kept my sobs silent as my tears fell on the picture, shattering into small figments of water. Before any of them came up and found it, i quickly put the picture back after placing a small kiss on it, sending my love to them the only way i could, for none of them would ever let me visit their graves.

Placing it safely back into its frame and back into the drawer i lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, taking deep breaths to control my breathing.

I see now that the saints we see are all made of gold. There is nobody good left for me, not anymore. The ones i loved are the ones I've lost and hope is no longer existent.

By the end of the night I wind up resorting to the one thing that i have given up trying to save myself from, because i can't do it on my own, not anymore and there is nobody willing to help me.

I resort to my demons.

I let them take over, poison my thoughts and consume me from the inside out. Whether or not they tell me the truth or they tell me lies, i just can't tell anymore. I don't bother to fight them, now were on the same side.

I never thought i would be able to find some light, something or someone that was willing to care enough to talk to me never mind wanting to help me rid of my demons.

But then i met him.......and i wasn't sure if i was any better off.

~~~~~~~

Dedicated to adolesxents bcoz the idea came from her

1975 / 5SOS books

WHICH R AWESOME