CHAOS ✔️ J.D.

sweetheart.

it was now sunday, and tomorrow was monday. fuck, i wasn't ready. honestly, i was relieved heather chandler was dead, but i didn't want to be locked up. jason would keep a secret, right? i mean, he was the one who gave me this suggestion. god, i was terrified. heather's funeral was on monday as well, i wasn't sure if i should attend or not. i mean, if i didn't show up others might get suspicious. but at the same time, i never was actually close to her. even when i was in her clique.

its been two days since i had seen ryan, or the guys in general. i really wasn't mad at him, i mean i was, but he's my best friend. i cant lose him because of a dead girl. he might have been mad at me though, he didn't like scenes so much. and of course that night, i absolutely caused one. he hasn't tried to contact me, or even talk to me personally. something was definitely up, because last week he would have been over by now.

i thought i should go see what he had been up to, so that's exactly what i did. i barely go down stairs to leave the house, its usually the window. i never feel like dealing with my mother ever, so the best chance of getting out without being bitched at was the window.

half of the day was already over with, so i thought he would be fine with me coming over. i walked to his house, it not being far from mine. maybe just a couple blocks down at the most. my hand slipped into my pocket, taking out a cigarette from the box and sticking the stick into my mouth.

  my eyes scanned the outside of this small hideous town, the one i wanted to get out as soon as possible in. but i was trapped. the population was filled with the same exact horrible people made me sick to my stomach, but was i hideous? i committed a crime, i fucking murder. so i shouldn't be talking. i honestly probably helped this town out, especially the school, a cruel life was gone. making it better for all of us. i couldn't be thanked without being in jail though, unfortunately. i just want this high school thing to be over with already.

in what felt like a flash, i was where i wanted to be. ryan's house. no cars or vehicles were in his driveway, which made me wonder if anyone was home or not. i dropped the cancer stick on the ground, immediately stepping on it. i sighed, my arms grabbing the branches from the tree while climbing up to his window.

i truthfully hoped that ryan wouldn't question me about heathers death, i would feel guilty because i told him everything. i couldn't this time, because it's not just my life that would be thrown down the drain, it's jason's as well. i already promised, and he promised me he would keep our secret. i just have hard times believing others, it took me awhile with ryan.

it might sound creepy with me always going through windows, but me and him had been in a fight before. he never would answer the door for me, so i had to do it my way. besides, it was our thing, he taught me it. and his parents were just the same as mine, except it was just his father.

once i had finally made it up to his roof, not looking in the window yet i lightly knocked on it. i felt the bitter glass hitting my knuckle. my eyes soon made their way into the window, sighting something i thought i would never see. i seen ryan with heather duke on his lap, of course their lips were connected. i bit the inside of my lip, my fists clenching once again. and again, my nails digging into my palms. why me? my best friend. not him. the only one i had left.

  my vision started to get blurry, as i tried not to blink. i was in utterly shock. everything this boy had said to me was a lie, fucking everything. my bottom lip quivered from holding in the water in my eyes, as i immediately jumped down from the roof and tree.

my eyes were soon smudged with makeup, my fingertips stained from wiping the tears that left my eyes. the person i once trusted, told all my secrets to, had ditched me and stabbed me in the fucking back. it felt as if i had been stabbed again, just like at that party. my attention was soon down at my bloody palms, my sleeves wiping my tears making more stains on my sleeves.

  without even knowing, my bags defiantly looked worse from the lack of sleep i had and my eyes were red. the kind of red people got when they were stoned, and their eyes were just the ugliest ruby color. i fucking hate crying. it makes me feel weak, but i'm not. or i at least don't think i am.

i was extremely done, what made me feel the worst is that all the guys knew about this too. he also was enjoying it, it made me want to throw up. it made me get damn knots in my stomach, as my hatred grew on a person that i never thought i would hate.

i was just absolutely fucking done. finished. i ran away from where i was standing, going to the closest store or food market or some shit that there was, just anything but home. i didn't care what i looked like in front of everyone at the moment, at all. they didn't know what was going on in my life, so why let them affect my feelings?

the first place i spotted was 7 eleven, i instantly pulled my hood over my head so i wouldn't get asked if i was okay or not. that fucking annoyed me. if i have damn makeup leaking from my eyes, does it look like i'm alright? dumb fucks.

i walked inside, my head quickly going down viewing the floor. i headed over to the slushie aisle, letting out a sigh while my hand gripped a cup. my body slightly jumped as i almost dropped the cup in my hand, feeling gentle hands wrap around my waist. i turned around, looking up at familiar clouded eyes i had definitely noticed before. "how come i always come across you when you're crying?" he questioned, narrowing his eyebrows while his eyes met my smudged hazel ones.

i shrugged, grabbing the lid and straw for the slush i had filled up. "how are you holding up? you're not crying about heather are you? you wanted her dead, you've told me -" he rambled, as i cut him off. "no, j.d. its not because of killing her, okay? i'm glad that she is dead." i managed to get out of my mouth from crying before, mumbling the last part. "then what is it? damn ivy, you look like shit." he spoke, taking the sleeve of his trench coat while wiping the stains away from under my eyes.

i glanced down, as he got the sense i didn't want to talk about it here. he just nodded, taking my cup and pulling money out if his pocket. "i believe i owe you this, sweetheart. now why dont you go wait on the bike, i'll be out in a few." jason stated, walking over to the counter while i went out the door.

j.d. came out faster than expected, as i scooted on the back of the motorcycle making room for him. he handed me the cold beverage, as he started the bike. "who's place?" he asked, obviously wanting to talk about what happened.

     i sighed, "mine." i replied, as we soon took off.

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i'm very confused on where this is going, and i'm sorry for making ryan an asshole oops. i kinda liked him in the beginning, but my thoughts took over and this happened. whoop - T