CHAOS ✔️ J.D.

whatever you want.

heather's 'suicide' went viral the next day, considering the short notice. her parents were devastated, developing to get over it quickly. she was gone, and i'm not sure whats going to happen in the future. i dreadfully didn't want to see either. i mean, i was definitely relieved that she was gone, but was terrified of someone getting suspicious.

i had practically been sitting down on my bed for the longest time, just reasoning all the events that had been going on. i haven't been downstairs for awhile. i really didn't want to go down, but part of me desired to. i hoped one day that when i did, my mother would be sober. just once. that couldn't possibly ever happen, but a girl can dream right?

  i couldn't write in my notebook, considering it was left downstairs. i desperately needed to jot down my thoughts, so much had happened. letting them out would be appreciated, better than them in my mind all day. and yes, a notebook. i have developed hatred for others that go through my private things, and a diary would be too obvious.

i swung my feet from my bed, getting up and gripping the door handle opening it. i wasn't sure where my mother was, but i didn't have a choice but to get nagged at if i went down there. my feet quickly stepped down each step, remembering leaving my notebook somewhere in the kitchen.

"so you finally decided to come back home?" a voice retorting from behind, turning my head. "actually mom, i've been home but you've never cared." i spat, viewing her hand gripping her bottle of alcohol, glancing up at her bloodshot eyes. of fucking course.

her lips swigged the drink, it traveling down her throat. she stumbled over, barely being able to walk. once she made her way to my area, she basically was hovering over my smaller body. i looked up at her coldly while smelling the alcohol in her breath, shaking my head and looking at the ground fearing to look back up at her.

"well young lady, i am your mother. you don't speak to me that way." she hiccuped, mindless prodding while waving her finger in the air nonsensically. she took another drink, as i crossed my arms, my vision continuing to stay down at my feet. "maybe if you were here instead of fucking every guy in this town, we'd be closer. and your brother and dad would still be here." she spoke flatly, in her drunken state. "i wish my daughter wasn't such a slut." her raspy and scratchy voice filling the air that surrounded us.

my eyes widened, them traveling up at her in disbelief. i clutched my fists, producing marks on my palms. she just fucking blamed me for everyone leaving, this goddamn bitch. she was the real damn reason, no one wanted to deal with her when she was always stoned, nor when she had a hangover which was rare, considering she was always in this state.

surprisingly i wasn't crying, or couldn't actually. nothing was in my eyes that would be able pour out. absolutely nothing. empty. i didn't want to deal with her, so not knowing where my notebook was i brushed past her. she yanked me back, her grip so harsh to where it felt as there was a mark on my arm.

flinging out of her grasp, i darted out of the place i called home. i felt wrecked, fucking done. i just wanted to get out of here, and leave everything behind. what did i have here? nothing but a drunk mother. all the close people i have loved or cared about leave. down the drain. gone.

i couldn't leave though, not by myself. dammit. my eyes were locked on the house, as i smirked while letting out a heartless chuckle. "and you think i'm the reason why they left." i murmured bitterly, rolling my eyes and strolling away.

i had no where else to go, but for jason's place. he was all i had left at this point. i truthfully wanted to ask him if we could spend the rest of the night just being a little normal. even though we definitely weren't.

  just forgetting our hideous lives would be pleasant, maybe we could go see one of those dumb corny movies, play some poker, or something shitty classic high schoolers do. maybe go camping, and getting away from this fucking place. just maybe being seventeen.