Homophobia

Chapter 6

'Chad.. I think I should... should take some space, you know?' Naomi says and I look down at my feet. 

'Okay Naomi... just... don't leave me, okay?' I say and I feel her arms around me. I wrap my arms around her and close my eyes.

'Of course not. Never. Just give me some time to get used to it, than it'll be fine. I promise.' I don't know. I don't think anything will be fine. I think I now just am lucky to have a few good friends. But I am in a group of people and I don't know how many of them will accept me. 

'I'll... go now,' Naomi says and I let her go. She smiles at me and gives Jason a kiss on his cheek. Then she walks away and I watch her. She pulls her hand through her hair and shakes her head. Probably lost in thoughts. 

'She'll turn by man,' Jason says and I nod. I just wish this wasn't nessacary. It feels empty inside, without her.

'I hope Jason, I do hope that.' There's a silence between us and I think he's thinking of what now. What do we do now? 

'So... when do you wanna tell the others?' he asks and I care up from his question.

'I-I don't know... I would say never. But that wouldn't be fair, would it?' I say and he laughs a little.

'Not really. And it wouldn't be good for you too. You couldn't be yourself around them. You'd always have to be careful with what you say. And pretend like you don't like anyone. But in fact I know you do like someone,' he says and I look at him in confusion.

'I know you like Dan, I saw the way you looked at him. Only a person who is in love could see it though. You kept it hidden very well, but not good enough.' 

'So, that means you love Naomi?' I say and his cheeks turn red. I chuckle and shake my head.

'You should tell her,' I say and he looks a bit scared.

'What if she doesn't feels the same way?' he asks and I think about it for a second.

'I'm pretty sure she does. You have been nothing but lovely to her and you are pretty funny. I think she loves you. She looks at you like you are her precious.' He laughs and I bump my fist to his shoulder.

'It's great this doesn't change you man,' he says and I shrug.

'I have always been like this. Not much to change about myself than.' He nods and stands up.

'I'm gonna find Naomi and tell her I love her. I just need to. I need to have her by my side. I can't live without her,' he says and I give him a smile. He smiles back and then walks in the direction where Naomi went. I like seeing him happy. As his friend it makes me happy.

'Chad?' I hear Dan's voice behind me and I take a deep breath before turning around to face him.

'Hey Dan, what's up?' I say and he looks worried.

'I heard what you said to Naomi and Jason and-' 

'Wait what!' I cut him off and I just can't believe this. He was eavesdropping? I never expected him to be that kind of a person.

'No! I... It's not what you think. I swear!' I cross my arms and look at his beautiful face.

'I don't even know what to say. You are so brave and just... you are a loyal friend. I wish I could just be like you, and I heard what you said after Naomi was gone. How you talked to Jason about how you.... about how you like me and I just... I am... I don't know,' he says and I am really scared now.

'If you don't want to know me or talk to me, that's completely fine by me. I totally understand,' I say and I want to walk away.

'Wait,' he says and he grabs my arm. I feel a warm feeling in my belly and I don't move. I can't move. I don't know what he is going to say. Probably that he hates me and now he just wants to say it in my face. He is going to tell everyone and my life will be over. Everything will be done. I will need to hide in my house. Maybe move to another country and change my name in Peter. It'd be awful. I wouldn't want that to happen.

'I do want to know you,' he says and I breath my holden breath out.

'But why?' I ask him and he lets my arm go. I barely notice and look at him. I then take a step back and he looks at me. A look I can't name. I don't know what it is. Something weird. Something I don't know. Something I feel is special. Only meant for me. Is it hate? Abhorrence? Something close to that?

'Because... I don't know. I have never felt this way. I am confused and I am shocked. But I feel also something else I can't name,' he says and I think that is the look I saw. We both can't name it. 

'Say something then,' I say and I take a step closer. He doesn't take a step back. He looks at me in fear and something else. Again. Appetence? It can't be. That's not possible. 

'I am not good with saying something,' he says and I just can't hold myself. I can't think anymore. I take the last step there is between us and take his head between my hands. I look at him and he looks back. Not sure what to do. 

I am sure what I to do. Or maybe I am not sure either.

'Did I just hear a quote from the Hungergames?' I say and he laughs lightly. I laugh with him and lean my forehead against his. I close my eyes. I enjoy this moment. Though this is not the moment I have been waiting for all along.

'Do you know what happens next after she said that, in the movie?' he says and I smile, my eyes still closed.

'I do,' I say and then I feel it happening. He pushes his lips against mine and I freeze for a second. Is this really happening? Like really happening? Did he just kiss me? And he is still kissing me. 

Then I can move again. I kiss him back. My hands still lay on his face and I feel his traveling up and down my back. In a book or movie someone now will interrupt us and will make us feel awkward. But we are alone. No one is there. 

I ruffle my hands through his hair and I feel I am running out of air. But I just can't get enough. He's addictive and he has this thing where I can't get enough of him. He's the most beautiful person on earth and for this moment he is mine. Only mine. I don't know if he will be forever. But I know this is the start of something I don't know. And maybe even something beautiful. 

I pull back to get some air and I open my eyes. His are still closed and I smile. Before pushing a kiss on his forehead and smile in the kiss.

This is the moment I have been waiting for all along.

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