So Far Away

     9000 miles. that's what's keeping me from you. and it all started with "you seam chill". there's not a thing that you don't know about me. and I knew everything about you. we planned out the rest of are lives together. I would go to you then you would come to me. people had no idea how I could love someone so far away, but we were making it work.
     4/20/17 that's the day my life changing forever. it was official we were together that was the first time I can remember where I didn't want to slit my wrists. 47 days go by and that's when it all started. we decided that it wasn't going to work. we need to wait, I still loved you. I tried dating to get you off my mind, but it didn't work. I kept telling myself that the pain would be gone in a few days. it never left my heart, my guy you never left my head.
     I've tryed everything but one day it was to much. but I found something that worked. drugs! the dope the coke, the acid it all but killed me. you've turned my first to powder. typing this all with my left hand. because I can't close or open my right one. the only thing you don't know about are the drugs. one day I see him on you're story and I lost it.
     my first flys through the tv the Xbox gose flying through the air. I kick out my window and claw my face until I bleed. then I black out, I wake up laying on the carpet bleading from my mouth and my cheeks. I looked over and seen my brother looking at me with a heart stopping stare. the first thing I can think to do is talk to you but then I think better off it, so I text Rick. ones he convinced me to tell you I had never been so ashamed of something I had done. some nights go buy with only saying one word. streaks! finally I get drunk and high enough to text you. when I do I can't control anything I've never cryed over anyone before, you were the first. I text you the response I get was that you don't need me anymore you have him now. I type my text but don't send it but the tear falling from my face dose. at that moment it becomes too much and I smash my phone. when the glad is shaderd I run the screen up and down my wrist. then I remembered my box cutter. holding it up to my next I scream " I don't want to be here anymore"then.... I wake up look at my phone a see a text from you.