Hold Me Forever

Pain

She ran her hand across the bathroom wall, exhaling slowly, feeling the cement, bumpy ridges, rarely smooth. She could faintly hear Knowledge mumbling to herself in her mind, muttering about loss and destruction.

"Shut up."

The yellow emoticlone instantly shut herself up, knowing Rhiannon could vaporize her if she really wanted.

But Rhiannon didn't want Knowledge gone. As much as she'd like to pretend, she needed the one last emoticlone.  She didn't want to be completely empty. Sure, she could do fine without Hope or Fear. But Knowledge supplied her with witty remarks and helped her understand things. Without her, Rhi was useless.

Rhi looked towards the mirror, standing in front of it, staring into her eyes. She used a hand to run across the fresh pink scar on her cheek. It was a constant reminder to what she had been through. But she felt nothing when she remembered.

She knew, deep down, that she had to find a way to get her emotions back. They were a fundamental part of life. She couldn't function without them.

"Rhiannon?"

She heard the familiar voice, the 15 year old on the other side calling out to her, and Rhiannon couldn't place the emotion in his words.

Was it worry? Or was it fear? Anger maybe? Hell, she couldn't figure it out.

She didn't answer him, she just rolled her eyes and stared into the mirror, fingers tracing the line where it opened to reveal medication after medication.

Knowledge chimed in, shouting at her so Rhi could hear, she wanted the emotionless girl to hear.

"Some of those could make you feel!"

Rhi jolted, opening the medicine cabinet and staring at the contents within, tilting her head at the unknown capsules. The blues and pinks, pale colors and warning labels. They were tempting.

But she knew better. She knew the only type of feeling they could possibly supply her with was pain, and after all the pain she had just previously endured, she didn't think twice when refusing the offer.

But, it made her curious. Could she still feel pain?

Rhiannon though about it for a few moments before deciding on what to do. No, pills weren't the answer. They could kill her, and she didn't want to die. She just wanted to experience a small bit of pain. Pain that wouldn't leave her in agony like her last exploration, instead just, something.

Experience the familiar yet distant feeling of white hot pain, nerves on edge and sweat pouring down from her ashen skin, she wanted that. Or something like it.

So, with one last thought and a stupid effort, she opened the door where Arez was waiting on the other side, arms crossed and a puzzled look on his face. Rhiannon felt a wave of hot energy hit her, and took it as his emotions dumping on to her lithe form.

She gave him one disinterested look before roaming around the infirmary, searching cabinets and cupboards for something Arez couldn't know.

She thanked Azar that Arez didn't question her, like he was winded and exhausted from their argument earlier, the repercussions from the talk affecting him greatly.

Rhiannon dug through a bottom cabinet, finding all kinds of sharp tools, but was searching out one in particular.

When her ashen pale fingers met with cold metal, she smiled a meaningless smile that never quite reached her eyes, and tucked it in her sleeve, pretending to reach for a cup in another cabinet, and carrying that to the bathroom.