Roomies

Chapter 69

You know that feeling you get when you realize you’re going to love someone forever? Or when you realize that the friendship you had with someone will never be the same…that’s when the song “Somebody that I Used to Know” by Gotye becomes handy. That feeling you get at night when you’re all alone thinking about that week. That feeling when you look at your phone and look through your contacts to see who you can rant to but it’s a waste of time because when you start a story they space out and interrupt you to tell their own stupid story so you act like nothing happened and you listen. That feeling you get when you start to wonder how people would feel if you died. If anyone would care and who would cry real tears

That feeling you get when you can’t talk anymore. When you can’t type anymore, when you know that when people read this they feel the same. And at the end all you can feel is empty, you know that feeling? Yeah, I’m not really crazy about those feelings either.

It started when I figured out that Niall had left our flat. When he had sold it, it wasn’t only the flat that he had gotten rid of, but all of our memories. Okay fine, we did a lot of fighting there but that’s also the place where he helped me wash sperm out of my hair before my first date ever, it’s the place where I walked in on him and his friends using my face masks, where I had experienced the most intense moments of my life and most importantly, It’s the place where he told me why he is as fucked up as he is but that he might be able to love me one day. It’s the place where he gave me hope. And he got rid of it faster than you get rid of a tattoo you’ve made whilst drunk.

It’s been a couple of weeks since then and since I broke down at Tin’s. When Jacob found out, he got real serious in his brother role and he sent me back home to my mum and dad. It’s now the last of April and I’ve been here since Tin’s.

My mum was actually not in the house at all, she had moved out and was traveling around so she left me and my dad alone and on some days, his new love interest, Mathilda, would show up and cook us food. She was actually nice but I didn’t want my mum to think that the new girl had taken her place in our lives so I tried to not get to friendly with Mathilda.

Today, my dad left me at the psychiatrist at 9.49. Oh yeah, I’ve started going to a brain shrink too because my parent’s thought that I needed to talk to someone, which was bullshit. No one could understand what I was going through anyways so why the hell would I want to talk about it? Stupidity.

When my doctor came out and called my name, I grabbed my jacket from the seat next to me and walked into the room with him. The room wasn’t like those typical shrink rooms you see in movies where it’s all white and scary. 3 of the walls were in a blue-ish color while the 4th was dark brown. There was a desk by the brown wall and 2 windows on the left side, next to the windows stood a white armchair, in which my doctor sat and infront of him, was one of those couches where you had to lie down to be comfortable.

There was a table between us and it used to be empty but today there were a couple of pictures on it. I laid down in the couch and looked at Dr. Anderson. He was around 50 something and I really had no idea how he would be able to fix all my problems.

Dr: How are you today Stella?

Stella: Fantastic, never better.

Dr: And what have you been doing since I last saw you?

Stella: I’ve slept.

Dr: That’s good. Anything else?

Stella: You saw me a week ago, how much do you think I can do in a week?

Dr: So you’ve slept, all week?

I nodded and he wrote it down in his little black book. Since I started seeing him, he had used 3 different books and this one was one of the new ones.