My Journey To Find ME

9) The End Or Just Another Test ?

There are two ways of looking at this, I write when I don't find my peace around or I know it's only me who can tell me what is the right thing to do, and writing brings me back to me... I know this is not the first time when I'm feeling low, neither is this the last time. But how do I tell myself that ? How do I make myself realize that this is just another day in my life and nothing else ?

The only thing that bothers me at this time is, I know I have my near and dear ones with whom I can talk, but will they understand me or think this to be just another ' Oh I'm so moody ' act that they think I'm doing.

God gave us heart and mind but I think he forgot to teach us how to bring both of them at peace at the same time ! Why don't we also have a calibration button ? Mind and heart constantly argue on one thing, ' Is it really you that you show to the world, or another image that you showcase ? '. Frankly I don't know but one thing that I know for sure is that I don't want to lose myself amid all this. But what if in bringing my true self up I lose what I have now...
Uhhh !!! I know this is the same thing that I want to overcome... okay enough is enough, I'm what I want to be and what I choose to be like. I'm proud of me for what I am. Things do matter to me, let people judge me if they want to. But I'm never letting my true self down again.

I fall short of words, but not feelings. I do get lost in them, and when that happens I'm all together another human being... Yes, I do show this side of me to people but how can I expect them to understand me each and every time. Again the fear of losing them hits me.

I love them very much, maybe that's the reason why I don't drag them into the flood of thoughts that I have. If someday they get to read this, I want to tell them that don't feel bad for me but be next to me like you always have been. If you have been the part of this journey that I penned down, and can relate us in that position, just smile it off. If something has happened then let that be where it belongs... THE PAST.
I just want people who love me to be proud of me, I will surely make them one day.

The period of motivation is brief, I know but realization stays along for very long..

If someday I revisit all these memory lanes, I want to more than happy that it were these realizations that shaped me up. They gave me an insight into me... for me... and a chance to be only ME...