My Journey To Find ME

10) Words Or Weapons

Be careful with what you say to others, as the words that seem normal to you might leave scars on someone's heart. You might say things for which the person may forgive you but will never forget what you said.

You know what if the person who said harsh words to us is the one who is very close to us, then the after effects are even more disastrous. Hurting us mentally to such an extent that we wish we were dead rather than hear such harsh words from them. We might end up thinking ' Instead of killing me a bit by bit everyday with your words why not once and for all stab me and kill me. Or do you want me to do that for you. It's just my conscience that tells me ' You are not so weak, you are very strong, this is just a phase ' ... Aaaahhh bullshit !!! Why not bloody give me enough mental strength that I can just go and kill myself. '

Being optimistic all the time is a myth, you cannot achieve that level of understanding, at least not in one lifetime. You ask me why I always act like this, I wish I knew. We all say things to someone at some point in our lives that hurts them enough to kill them emotionally.
STOP IT !!! I beg you please stop it.

" You say so many harsh things to me but still I forgive you not only because I love you, mom but because at this point I care about my mental well being more.
You think you are smart and rest everyone is fool right dad ? let me tell you old man you couldn't have been more wrong. What is the use of this shitty 'experience' that you possess which cannot even make you capable of understanding your own child.
I knew you always thought of me as embarrassment in your friends, sis, I now know that you wanted privacy with your friends, I didn't used to persistently cry and ask you to take me with you because I wanted to make fun of you in front of your friends. I just wanted to be like you... I was too small to have friendship as strong as you guys did. I just wanted to admire your friendship... but you would never get that.
You would always thought of me as some responsibility forced on you, my dear brother, but I always wanted the future me to be just like you.
You always took me for granted, most of the times, my friend. I just wanted someone I could talk my heart out... but you got fed up with me too "

You might be wondering what was all that you just read, it is actually what my mind says when I think about all the bad things ever happened to me. That's the reason I never like to stay alone my mind never stops bringing memories back to me that I never want to remember. I just want to tell all the people in those memories... I know it was just that particular incident, I know you love me a hell lot... I won't let these thoughts temper and spoil the feelings for you.

Rather through all this I will come out strong and prove to everyone that you underestimated the teen in me. Just think of this emotional fool as a larva in a cocoon who someday will come out as a beautiful butterfly.