✔️What's A Soulmate? (Markson)✔️

Chapter 27: I Miss Him

Jackson's POV:
It's been a couple of months now since Mark has been gone. I've only gotten worst since.

I haven't been sleeping, waking up with nightmares and tears, only getting a couple of hours of sleep a night.

I don't eat, feeling too empty inside to be satisfied with any food and feeling like I'll throw up every time I shove something in my mouth.

I don't leave the house, feeling too weak to leave and my bed is so much more warmer.

My career is slowly threatening to come to an end, since I miss all of the days I'm suppose to work. I ended up shutting down my dance studio, not feeling the passion for it anymore. I don't feel passion for anything anymore. I feel all numb inside now.

Everyone's really worried about me. My friends and family come to check on me often, but I only ignore them and stay in bed and keep to myself. None of their words or gifts or worries affect me. They completely fly over me and I don't acknowledge any of it.

I hate it. I hate feeling like this. Why did everything have to turn out like this? What did I do to deserve this?

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my door open and someone walking in. They walked in front of me To set a plate of food down on the nightstand there. I saw that it was Jaebum this time checking in on me.

"Hey Jackson," he said softly while sitting down on the bed next to me. I only stayed silent with a blank expression on my face.

"Will you please just eat something? At least one bite?" He said sadly. I just stayed silent without moving. He got up and grabbed the plate of food and sat back down next to me once again.

He took some of the food and tried to shoved some of it in my face, but I only kept my mouth shut and shook my head no at him.

"Please Jackson. You're getting dangerously underweight," he pleaded while trying to get me to open up once again.

Now I was starting to get pissed and smacked his hand away from me and pushed him away, which knocked the plate over and got food all over the floor of my room.

"Dammit Jackson! That's it! What the fuck am I suppose to do?! I'm sorry I can't bring back Mark! I'm not a miracle worker and I'm trying my best to help you! But all you do is push me and everybody else away! I'm scared Jackson! We all are! You need to pull yourself together man! I know it's hard, but you need to get over it! It sounds really rude of me to say, but fuck Jackson! This can't keep happening! You're gonna kill yourself if you keep doing this! And don't give me that oh I can't live without him bullshit! Yes you fucking can, or you still wouldn't be here Jackson! I know him Jackson, and right now he would be very disappointed in you. This isn't what he wants from you, but clearly you don't get that. I'm done Jackson. Have a nice life." He yelled at me before he got up to go leave.

I burst into tears, he's never yelled at me like that. How can I be so selfish and foolish? "Wait!....please don't leave me," I whispered the last part.

I heard him stop and I looked up to see him looking at me with a stern face. I only looked down at my bed sheets.

"I'm sorry," I choked out with a sob. I suddenly felt his arms wrapped around me in a tight hug. I held onto him tightly and sobbed out. He just let me cry out as he rubbed my back to comfort me. Once I was starting to calm down, I let go of the hug.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I'm doing. I've been very selfish and I keep pushing everyone who cares away from me. I just, I just can't do it anymore. I love him Jaebum. I miss him." I cried out again. He only gave me another hug.

"I know Jackson, I know. This is really hard for you, but it's hard for everyone. You really need to get your act together. You're really starting to freak everyone out. No one knows what to do anymore," he said.

"I know, I'm sorry," I said with more tears streaming down my face.

"Please stop apologizing, it's not totally your fault. You've never had to deal with this before," he said to me.

"Still, I feel really bad. I've only been thinking about myself and Mark, nobody else. I need to stop and think about those who love me and are here. You're right. I need to get my shit together. My life is falling apart and it will only get worse from here if I don't stop it right now. You're right about Mark. This isn't what he wanted. We promised each other that if one of us were to die or leave that we would let go, but never forget. I can see why he made us promise that to each other. He didn't want the other to get hurt as bad. I get it now, thank you. Thank you for putting some sense into my thick skull. I'm really gonna try now, for you and everyone else, and especially him," I said while I looked at Jaebum.

"That's my boy," he said while giving me another hug. "Remember, I'm always here for you and so is everyone else. You don't have to get over him by yourself and you don't have to get over him just like that. Give it time, don't rush it," he said to me.

I only nodded at him and gave him a small smile.

"Hey there's a little bit of that smile that I've missed," he said while smiling at me and pushing my chest playfully. I only smiled a little more after he said that.

"Come on, let's get some food in your belly," he said while helping me up and out of my bed. "You don't have to eat that much at first, but please take a few bites," he said to me. I only nodded my head at him as we headed to the kitchen.

AN- Wow, it's been awhile since I've updated. I'm really sorry loves! I don't really have that good of an excuse. I've just been really lazy and uninspired for awhile. I mean I did have a stupid thing to do for a week and a half, but that has been over for about a week now. I've also had some time within that thing that I could've written a new chapter. But anyways, I'm back! I've also written the rest of the chapters to this story in my notes, so yes I've finally finished writing this story. I might update the last few chapters tonight, but we'll see. Enjoy my loves and I'm really sorry for making you wait for so long!