Unwanted Seoulmate AMBW

Devoured

Hae-ju

I was devoured by the endless pit of mystery that surrounded me. As the glare from the other side of the room, watched me shake, quiver and move with discomfort.

" You've been eating well?" Her calm voice questioned. I nodded my head and avoided her eyes.

" Hae-juyah, are you sure you're okay?" She asked me once more, in her soft voice she asked me, over and over.

" You've never been so distant before. " She cooed as she reached out her hand and caressed my hand.

I let out a soft breath of air and thought to myself. I was at a lost for words, unsure how to utter them profoundly, I wanted to apologize to her but I also didn't want to bring it up.

" Hae-juyah-"

" Eomma..." I interrupted. She lifted her light brown brows and stared at me, her gaze gave me chills, compelling my mouth to speak before I could think of a lie to say.

At the command of my emotions, I began to speak. 
" Eomma, I am sorry." I said.

" Why, would you be sorry?" She asked me.

" I am sorry for not seeing it in this way before, I am sorry that I was blinded to your pain, all these years. I must admit I have seen you as a selfish woman, whom I was obligated by relationship to love and care for. " My mother parted her lips, yet before my mother could speak I interjected again.

" As selfish as the act was, it was the only selfish act that you have ever made that I can remember. From my youth, you cared for me, you raised me in an effort for me to become the best person that I was required to me. You were so selfless all those years that we didn't realize it until you finally decided to be selfish, to end your pain. What you tried to do was not the answer to the pain, but I think I have finally stopped blaming you for it. I have finally stopped persecuting you for how others treated me, for your mistake. I have finally realized that you are a human first before you're a mother and that even you suffer and hurt. Eomma, forgive your son." I sighed and said.

After the words were spoken I couldn't even command myself to look into her eyes, I couldn't bring my eyes to reach out and touch her hand. She for the first time in many years, left the seat she sat in. like a moment of revolution, it was my mother who stood up from her chair,  only four feet away from me, she escaped the captive of her chair and wrapped her frail arms around my aching body.

" Hae-juyah, Hae-juyah it's okay, it's okay." She kept repeating, while my tears created rivers down my face. My mother softly stroked my hair, holding my close in the embrace she kept me close.

" A mother should never leave her children if she has the choice to avoid that fate. I wasn't being a mother when I had chosen of leaving my family...Hae-juyah I shouldn't say this, but thank you. For the first time in many years I don't feel like I am crazy, For the first time, I don't feel like an object for the doctors to care for. For the first time, my weak heart seems to be working a bit stronger. Hae-juyah, your eomma can't forgive you, because she has to thank you instead."

The words were shared, and the tears were wept. Like a story about a lost child, even with years and years of seeing my mother, longing for a reestablishment of our relationship. I just now in the moment in which I existed found my mother and seemed to have given her more of a reason to keep trying.

Further, into the day I finally left my visit with my mother and headed home. I hummed useless tunes while walking inside my house. As grand of a structure the house displayed itself to be, it rang of loneliness that I was only reminded of when I returned to be held, prisoner. Reluctant to think on anything further I searched for a distraction.

" Ah, Ae-ra. " I said to myself. 

I called Ae-ra while the pattern of taking off my tie came into action by its own terms. I threw the tie on the bed and also allowed myself captive in the wide spread, white sheets. The phone rang once, and I stared at our picture.

The phone rang twice, as I reached over to look at it.

The phone rang a third time and- " Hae-juyah, is everything okay?" the sweet voice asked.

" Ye, it was interesting I actually-" I started to speak, in the light hearted method of a song it seemed, I was never one to bring up my mother to Ae-ra but I now couldn't think of a reason. Regardless I was to show her to my mother soon, to present her as my wife.

I was thinking to myself so much so that I forgot to carry on with my statement. A muffled sound of rushing and busy streets started to sound through the phone. There wasn't much I said till I heard the:

" Oh, really Hae-juyah? oppa I am happy for you." Ae-ra said.

" I didn't say anything." I uttered. Ae-ra didn't reply for a moment before she gave her farewell.

" I have to go, oppa let's speak later, I love you. " Before my reply reached her ears, she hung up the phone.

I was a fool, on in the persuasive hands of my company. Ae-ra, on the other hand, was a gem that many longed to make their own. Our relationship painted me a fool, but still, I didn't fight it. I sat in the silence of the house, opened a bottle of wine, and stared at the blank, beige, drowned from the absence of adventure type color that I allowed onto the walls. I sat and thought more to myself.

" I would think that around now we have fallen for one another, but I can't help it if she hasn't fallen for me." I toasted the empty room, with my wine glass and took another sip.

Ae-ra and I knew each other, from times long before I even got my first car, but even so, she knew me the least. She was a familiar stranger, I say I know, that I have fallen deeply in love with. She plays her role well, in public, or when others are present. Once we are alone, our relationship grew clear, of our engagement, our future marriage was a binding, a modern day alliance. In the eyes of the media, we were a power couple. She was sweet, she was beautiful, It was also by these gifts, and talents that she had power over me. If our love was a cake, it would be a seven-tenths portion on the love I had to her, from me and the three-tenths from her to me. I knew this but still, I chase her like a fool, a prideful fool.

Because she knew that I would chase her, she taunted me, days which she wants, she loved me. Other days, she didn't want to be near me. I finished my glass of wine, then another, and another.

The morning light woke me up the next day, and as always I headed to work by myself.

" Mister Kim!' I heard my name called as I walked into the elevator. I swiftly turned around and stuck my hand out for the next person to board. To my satisfaction it was Dalmin, in a light red dress she rushed into the elevator. She looked up and smiled at me, I lifted my brows, and turned away, foreign to her grins.

" Why are you in such a cheerful mood today?" I asked her.

" Why? I can't be happy?" She sassed back. I nodded my head at her question, leaving it unanswered.

She gave a soft smile, once the again and anticipated the stop of the elevator on our floor. I sucked my teeth and shook my head.

" Miss Dalmin this won't do, maybe im over stepping a bound here but I'm curious as to why you're so keen on this unusual crucify of joy you're displaying." I commented.

" Mr.kim." She called out.

" ye" I scoffed.

" Don't be too nosy okay? I'm saying this as nicely as I can, I only became so silent and shy when I started working here im actually a very happy person, if it wasn't for the unfortunate events of having such a selfish —" she looked up at me, her eyes met mine as she stopped her hand motions and waved me away.

" whatever whatever." She scoffed.

" what were you going to say?" I asked.

Bing the elevator sung.

She said " I forgot." And raced out the elevator.