Shattering Secrets [2]

Seven

   The television in front of me had already been turned off, but I kept staring. It felt as if my heart had stopped. Felt as if the air in my lungs had been sucked out completely. I couldn't move my eyes from the television, I couldn't blink.

   The phone continues to ring, continues to scream into my ears. I can not pick up. My arms are stiff, my fists clenched together, digging my fingernails into my palms.

   My mind is a tornado of thoughts, rushing in and swirling around the inside of my head, bouncing back and forth against my brain. 

   This can't be happening. This must be some sort of mistake. He must have picked the wrong card. He must have pulled the wrong card. He must be mistaken. I can't do this again. I can't. I won't.

   The next thing I know I'm up and running. I take no interest in Finnicks hand as it brushes against my arm, trying to keep me here. I can't stay here. I won't stay here. I'm running through the streets , past civilians , past peacekeepers. The only thing in my head is getting to the ocean. To feel the breeze against my skin, against my face. My legs wouldn't stop even though they were burning, not until I reached the cool water.

   The ice cold water consumed me. It sends shivers through my body, my mind finally beginning to freeze over. I stood there looking into the sunset, the water lapping at my neck. The saltwater stung the marks where my fingernails had drawn blood. In some familiar way it feels good, relieving.

   The cold water numbed me even more. The numbness washed over my body in soothing waves, rocking me back and forth with the tide.

   I started walking deeper into the ocean, until my head was submerged under the water. 

   I could do it. I could end it all right now, end the suffering. I would be with my parents, my brother. I don't want to live with regret or guilt for the rest of my life, I don't want to live in a world so cruel. 

   I came up once more for air, and submerged myself again. Wishing never to see the sky or the stars.

   At first it stung. My lungs burned for air. My eyes and my ears instantly began to fill, stinging. Then it was calming. I let myself relax, let myself be absorbed by the ocean, becoming as one. All at once I was with the waves, I was one with the salt, I was free.

   I could see my family reaching their hands out to me, willing me to come with them. Their faces warm and beautiful, almost golden. My mothers hair lay sprawled across her shoulders, her teeth flashing like pearls in the most beautiful of smiles. My fathers hands cupped my face, worn from the sea, worn from years of working on a boat, his gold wedding band cold against my already freezing face. Liam's hand was outstretched, I'm trying to reach him, trying to pull him closer but his lips are moving to fast, not reaching my ears. I open my mouth to call to him but instead get a mouthful of salty water, burning and stinging down my throat. My family is gone now, leaving me choking, leaving me alone. My vision starts to get blurry , starts to fade away. My world slowly turning to black.

   My body registers that it's being pulled up, at first I think my father is back, but I can not see. My body is shutting down, along with my mind.

   "Coral, Coral" a voice calls to me, so distant, so faint to my ears. All of a sudden I register that my body has been pulled quickly out of the water, limp into someone's hands. I am being carried, the water slapping against my ankles, trying to pull me back. I am sputtering up water, coming with heavy gasps for air. "Coral, oh my god , Coral" a males voice is still calling to me, his arms laying me down on the sand. My head is being tiled side to side, letting the water seep out , running along my chin. "Coral , please, oh god you're so cold"

"F-F-Finnick" my voice comes out hoarse, the words tearing at my vocal cords. "I saw them"