Shattering Secrets [2]

Eight

   The sand beneath me hugged every inch of my soaked body. Finnick sat besides me looking at me with alarmed confusion.

   "Saw who?" He asks, his eyes searching my face , like he'd never seen it before.

   "My family" my voice still sounded hoarse , and guessing by the way my throat felt, it would be that way for a few days. I looked up at the sky, my eyes landing on the moon. "I would have seen more of them if someone didn't pull me out" suddenly there was rage building up inside of me, willing its way out.

    "You were going to drown Coral" Finnick looked hurt, his mouth turned from confusion to a frown. "I wasn't going to let that happen. I knew where you were going, I just didn't think you would be so weak and cowardly to try and end your own life" he was now also being filled with rage, I could tell because his eyes clouded over.

   "I am cowardly? I am weak?" I sat up, so that my face was only inches away from his "I am not the one who willingly goes to the Capitol to sell their body , I am not the one who is cowardly , I am not the one who hides his emotions and becomes a brick at any mention of anything. You ask me to be more open with you, to let me open up to you, to let me in, but why would I want to when you act like a wall. It's like talking to a freaking wall Finnick. Yes, I tried to end my life tonight but it's better then going back to the arena"

   Disgust washes over his face , his eyes burrow into mine, his lips becoming a straight white line. No one has ever said anything the way i did just did to him. No one has ever crossed the line with him, and I obviously just did. "You have a dangerous mouth Coral Adays" is all he says to me , then a surprising laugh comes out of him. His eyes never leave mine, but they are no longer clouded over, no longer angry. "If only you could see what I've been doing for you sense you were reaped. I've trained you. I was the one who pulled you out of the shower when you were having a breakdown. I was the one who stayed with you after the Victory Tour , who tried to get you to eat, who kissed your forehead every morning. You don't understand the Capitol the way I do, it isn't as simple as willingly going" he brushes away some hair that had fallen into my eyes, I don't understand why he's not angry with me, why he's not so disgusted in the words that I had spat out at him. "It's either you go or you pay the price of staying, and I wasn't going to pay the price"

   "What was the price?"

   "Your freedom" his hands find my cheeks , and he cups my face. "You don't understand how many people care for you Carol, you don't understand. You're scared of letting anyone in , it was a miracle that you even let Katniss in. You're scared of getting hurt , you're scared of loosing them like you lost your family. But I'm not going anywhere , I'm sticking by your side"

   "But you don't let me in , Finnick. I don't know so much about you. I don't know your secrets , but you know so much of mine. You know so much of everyone's secrets but no one knows yours. You're so guarded." His hands fall to his lap, his eyes to the moon. "Why aren't you mad at me?"

   "Because we're so similar, so alike" taking a deep breath , he says "I never felt like I belonged anywhere else but the ocean. I never felt like I belonged to anyone, not even my parents, not my friends. You ran first to the ocean, not to Mags, not to me. You ran where you felt safe. And I feel safe in the ocean , I feel alive. Like I have a purpose. We both belong to the ocean, and the ocean belongs to us"

   We sat across from each other, him looking at the moon, and me looking at him. His eyes sparkled. He turns his head back to me, and frowns. He brushes some hair behind my ear, his hand lingering. "I don't want to go back" I whisper. "I don't want to go through it all again"

   "You might not even be picked Coral, there's Mags and Annie"

   "Do you really think that the bowl of names will have theirs in it Finnick? Snow wants me back in there , I just know it. He'll duplicate my name so each piece of paper has my name on it" my words start to get frantic , anxious, desperate "I can't do it again , I just can't. Finnick I can't live like this anymore, I can't live in fear of everything" his hands cup my face once again, this time stronger, filled with purpose.

   "That might not even be true. Annie or Mags might be chosen, you don't know for sure that he would do that. You can do this Coral. You will do this. You can't take your own life, I won't let you. You scared me half to death tonight, and I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you" as he says his last words he rests his forehead against mine, "I can't lose you, I've already lost too many that way" that way, that's why he was so angry at me for trying to end my life, because he's seen it done one too many times.

   I'm sorry" I whisper, my eyes stinging with tears, "I'm sorry" I wrap my arms around him, pulling him as close as I can to me. His arms tighten around my waist , gripping to me like he will never let go. And I don't want him to. In the moment , I never wanted him to let me go.

   But he does, and again I feel that anger building up inside me, along with hurt. He let me in for only a few moments then shut me back out again. "okay then" I stand and start to brush my pants off when he grabs my wrist and pulls me back down , almost on top of him "what are you doing?"

   His hand still grasping my wrist , he starts to lift the other one, as if to once again push my hair out of my eyes. I would make a mental note to get it cut later. "We need to get back" I say, but his hand just starts to rest on the back of my now freezing neck. "It's starting to get-" his lips are suddenly on mine, sending shivers through my body, making the hairs on my arms stick straight up. I pull my head back, surprised by the amount of emotion he was showing to me and suddenly see that he is disappointed and hurt by me doing so, and a little embarrassed. My mind searches for a way to analyze what has just happen, but only a warm feeling in my cheeks shows as an answer.

   My heart is racing a mile a minute, my face hot with emotion. Finnick must have sensed my surprise and smiles at me. "You've never been kissed have you?" he asks

   "Is it obvious?"

   "Very much so, it's written all over your face" a small laugh escapes his lips

   "I was taken as surprise"

   "Can I kiss you again?" His words seem to echo around the beach, bouncing against the oceans water. I hesitate at first, then I nod, and his lips touch mine, softy. I close my eyes and kiss him back. It takes a few moments for our lips to get used to one another, but once they do it's like magic. His hands cup my waist, my arms linked around his neck.

   He pulls away first, resting his forehead on mine. "I think I love you Coral Adays"