The Monitor Masquerade

Level 11

GraceKelli's  POV

I usually have nightmares, it's mainly because of my "over-active imagination". In case you didn't know, that's another way of saying anxiety. When I was younger and I would have panic attacks my dad would often shrug off the thing by saying it was because I had such a wild imagination. I was laying in bed looking at the ceiling. I had never fallen asleep on the phone before. I was too afraid to look at it knowing the call was still going. I could hear a hit of static over the speaker phone. I closed my eyes in an attempt to fall back asleep. A problem of falling asleep is the constant fear of having nightmares, which would cause me not to get as much sleep, but worrying about it causes me to have less sleep. It's a vicious cycle. When I opened my eyes my heart stopped. There was a large hooded figure in the corner of my room by my computer. I tried to moved but couldn't. Panic flooded my body. I blinked and as I did the shadowy figure got closer and closer every time I opened my eyes. Before I knew it, it was on top of me pushing down on my chest trying to kill me. I tried to yell, to move, to wake up from the dream any way I could. Right when I was about to go, I heard my voice crack through the dream and woke up.

"Fuck Grace? Grace are you okay?? Grace???? Hello???"

I was swallowing the air in my room trying to calm down. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just- I had a nightmare."

"That didn't sound like a nightmare."

"No it was-I-it was sleep paralysis. It happens all the time I just, the anxiety thing is just a real pain in my ass." I was trying to stop crying.

"What was it about?"

"Someone was trying to kill me."

"Damn okay well you are okay now."

"I know it's just-" I broke off in tears.

"What?"

"No it's stupid."

"Tell me. Come on Grace."

"No on is ever going to love me."

"Wait what?"

"Like that guy will never want to be with me."

"Why on earth would you think that?"

"I can't function! I can't even look at him without feeling like I am going to throw up with nerves. I can't talk to him. I have like one friend irl and I can't talk to anyone other than online. I'm a mess and I can't live by myself I always need someone with me."

"I'll be your friend irl."

"No because then you'll see me and be disappointed."

"How??"

"I don't know I just know you will."

"Do you really think no one will love you?"

"Yeah." I curled into a ball and started crying more.

"Grace that's insane. I lo-You are just such an amazing person. You are super funny and kick ass at games but you have a heart that I wish I had. You would do anything for your brother and it doesn't matter whether you have one friend or one hundred. What matters is how you treat them. And all the guys? They would do anything for you and we both know that. So many people love you. Can't you see that??"

"I mean in a relationship kind of way." I cried for a couple more minutes before falling into a numb heaviness that comes after attacks. I closed my eyes and drifted in and out of sleep.

"I think I'm starting to fall for you Grace." I heard a muffled voice say.

"What are you falling?"

"Asleep." Prince said quietly. "Do you want to say on the phone?"

"If you don't want to it's okay."

"What do you want?"

"I feel safer knowing you're on the phone."

"Then I will stay on the phone."

So we fell back to sleep together.