The substitute

Chapter 7

During the whole ride I thought about Nate moving, he told me that his mothers job is expanding their company all the way to Georgia! And once again something that I didn't even expect! I have so many questions to ask him like will he ever come back? When is he moving? Are we going to break up? Or are we going to have one of those long distant relationships? Personally I hate long distant relationships because I won't be able to see him everyday and we can't FaceTime or Skype or whatever because I don't have an iPhone or a laptop so we can only text, but it still won't be the same. I haven't talked to Nate since he told me he was moving. The right thing to do is to talk to him and to spend the last few days with him, but I need to know how him moving will effect our relationship.
When we finally make it home I rush inside my room and lock the door so no one gets inside. I make a list of all the pros and cons of when Nate moves to Georgia. I know it's a little weird, but this helps me. I write all my pros and cons and start to read them over. Okay, for my pros it says:
* could visit him
* could get an iPhone and FaceTime him every day
I'm shocked that those are the only two on the list of pros. I start to read my cons:
*long distant relationship
*no I phone
*no laptop
* can't see him everyday
*not enough money for visits
I stop reading my list. I crumple it up and throw it out. I lay my head on the desk and just stay there. I don't know what to do! I'm so confused, should I break up with him,Or should I not? My thoughts have been interrupted by a knock on the door "come in!" I yell "it's kind of locked." Nate says. I walk up to my door and unlock it slowly. Once it opens Nate forces a smile from his lips, I start to feel a lump come up my throat. I try to swallow it back down, but it doesn't work, If I say one word right now I'll surely break. "Are you okay?" He asks nervously, I nod my head. I can't cry right now, I'll make it worse than it already is. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. I shake my head 'no' I look at his face and his eyes starts to glimmer. I hope he doesn't cry "okay." He squeaks and leaves the room.
I let out a shaky breathing I know I'm going to have to talk to him, but right now I need to let out all of my tears. As I cry I realize that I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for any of this once he leaves that'll be it. I'm never going to see him again or at least for a really long time. I try to calm my self down, but I just can't for some reason. I keep thinking of the worst possibilities which makes me cry even more. I'm not good at this I don't usually cry, but when I do it's really hard to calm myself down. I try to convince myself that maybe just maybe he won't go, I'm holding on the bits of hope that he'll change his mind or his mother might not take the job and they'll come back. And surprisingly it works. I find myself done crying. I look at the mirror and my eyes are blood shot. I wiped the tears from my eyes and stepped out the door. I find Nate sitting on the couch biting his nails, it's a habit of his that he gets when he's nervous I do the same thing.
I run into the kitchen for some water trying not to be caught by Nate in this state. I hate looking weak, Nate sees me in the kitchen "Zoe, are you okay?" He asks for the second time today. I hate sympathy, I'm not a lost puppy. "Ya I'm fine." I lie. I look up at him and the minute I see his face I regret it, his face turns into a sympathetic frown and I look back down. He takes two fingers and put it under my chin and lifts my chin up forcing me to look at him "have you been crying?" He asks "no." I say and walk away, I try to make it to my room when Nate grabs my hand and takes me to the living room "sit down please?" He says it more like a question. I decide to sit down, we have to talk about this anyway.
"Can I ask you something?" He asks with a smile "um sure." I say "how long have we been dating?" Now he's caught my attention I look up at him confused "what?" I ask "how long have we been dating?" He repeats himself "at least a year." I tell him "why?" I ask what does this have to do with anything? "Because we've been dating at least a year and I don't know a single detail about you." What? That's so wrong he knows everything about me that can't be true "your lying! You know everything about me." I tell him "well the only thing I know about you is that you have great grades and your stubborn." He tells me that's not true "No you also know that I have an internship, I'm extremely car sick..." "I already know that." He cuts me off exactly he does now me "Ya! You know me." "You never tell me anything." He says "No! I tell you everything" "No you don't! Just now I asked if you were crying and you said no your obviously lying cause your eyes are blood shot and like ten minutes ago I asked if you were okay and you said yes when you were not" I want to say something,but then he starts talking again "You have never cried in front of me and if I wanted to know something about you I would have to force it out of you." He finishes, to kind of think about it he's right I don't tell him anything "What are you trying to say?" I ask him he doesn't say anything.
"Are you?.... never mind." I know if I finish this sentence I'll burst into tears. It's not that I hate crying in front of him I just hate crying in front of people in general. "Tell me.... Please" he says and I try to swallow the lump growing in my throat. I have to tell him "a-are you breaking up with me?" I stutter, I wipe the water growing in my eyes and he looks at me with a sympathetic face and slowly nods. "When are you leaving?" I ask him "Tomorrow." He says and that's when I break. I start to cry, he tries to calm me down by hugging me and telling me that everything is going to be okay, but the problem is nothing is okay. Once he leaves I'll be alone, just me and my mother alone.
As I cry I start to get tired and I end up sleeping in his arms.
...
I wake up on the couch with Nate's arms around me I get off of him, once I'm off I walk in the kitchen and sit on a stool. I start to think about everything and I realize Nate didn't pack anything, I go next door to Nate's house I knock on the door and wait patiently until someone opens the door "Zoe! How are you darling?" Nate's mother asks me I look behind her and see bags and boxes everywhere. I look back at her and her smile turns into a frown "I'm sorry sweety." She gives me a big warm hug and honestly I need a hug right now, I wish Nate told me earlier so I could spend a longer time with him. "What time will you be leaving tomorrow?" I ask as we pull away from our hug "6:00pm" she tells me so that's two hours after my internship "when's your flight?" I ask "eight." She says "I know this is really hard for you Zoe, but look at the bright side we're not staying there forever we will still be visiting." "But that's the thing I don't want you to visit it won't be long." I can't just see Nate seven or five days a year "Zoe I have days off in the summer we can see you in the summer time." She says smiling "will you be here this summer?" They have to be here this summer they need to be "oh darling it's already June and there's just a week left of school! this summer I can't honey, but I'm positive next summer." That sucks. "What time is it?" I ask "nine" she tells me it's nine already! I can't hang out with Nate tomorrow because I have school and I have my internship the only time I can be with him is after my internship which is only two hours why is everything so quick!
I go back inside and Nate is still sleeping why can't he be awake right now? I decide to cover him up with a blanket I give him a kiss on his cheek and go to bed, but don't feel a bit tired I walk in the kitchen and make myself a glass of warm milk I then sit on my stool and drink the warm milk. I go back to bed and stare at the ceiling counting the tiles when I finally go to sleep.
....
I wake up at 5am and get off my bed I take a shower, change into a gray skirt that hits just below my knees, and an orange button down shirt with brown flats. I blow dry my hair and decide to curl it when I finish curling it I look in the mirror, wow I really like this I should curl it more often. I get out of the bathroom and see Nate waiting for me "you look beautiful." He tells me "you look pretty handsome yourself, I'm going to miss you." I tell him and he smiles at me and kisses my forehead "do you want to go to school or should I take you to your internship?" "Internship." He nods his head and goes to his car I run into my room and get all the board games I bought.
We finally end up at the elementary school, before I leave I give Nate a kiss on his cheek "see you later." He tells me I nod my head and go inside. When I enter the classroom I see mrs.smith "Hello honey." She tells me "Hi." I tell her I sit on the chair next to her and she notices my sadness, she nudges me in the arm and I look at her and force a smile "You okay bud?" She asks me "um ya..... Actually I'm not fine I'm depressed." I tell her I need to talk to someone besides Nate "What's wrong?" "My boyfriend is moving.... Away" I tell her it hurts to even talk about this "aw sweetie I'm so sorry." "Ya.... Me too" I say resting my chin on my hands while my elbow is pressed against her desk. "What am I going to do?" I ask her I'm in terrible need for help.
"Will he ever comeback?" "Well only in the summertime, but they aren't coming this summer." I tell her "well you know that some space is really good for relationships." She tells me "ya but a lot of space is not good." I tell her "can I ask you something?" "Ya sure" "do you think about your boyfriend all the time?" "Um ya I guess " "I mean like every second" "oh no of course not I mean I love him and I think about him but not every second." "Why?" I have to ask " there's a good and bad thing from separation in a relationship..." "We broke up" I cut her off I just had to say that every time she says relationship it hurts "When he told me he was moving we thought it would be a good idea to break up" I tell her " Then all I can say is there's other fishes in the sea." She tells me I guess she's right I just need to find the perfect one for me that isn't Nate. The day he leaves will be a new chapter in my life, a new beginning, a new start, another chance, I'm getting off this roller coaster and I'm standing in line for the next ride I just hope this roller coaster doesn't have any ups or downs, I hope it's a simple roller coaster, I hope this roller coaster doesn't make me cry, it just makes me laugh.
(Please vote and comment it'll just take a minute out of your time I work really hard in this and just one vote or just one "good job" or "nice work." Would mean the world to me please thank you!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3)