Been About You

Chptr 4: Stay Blessed

The next morning...

The sun is peaking through my curtains and I hear the slight vibration of my phone going off on the bedside table and make an attempt to move to see who's calling me. I can barely move because my body feels so drained from crying the whole night. Keith didn't come back into our bedroom until 5:15 this morning. We still haven't talked yet and I'm dragging my feet on it.

I get out of my bed and see who it was that called me, I have 16 texts and 4 missed calls.

Mom, Lil Hoe Jo, Baby (2). Seeing Keith had called me twice this morning made me gulp then go to return his call. It rings four times and just as I'm about to hang up he finally answers, "Yo, you finally up?"

"Hi to you too, what's up?" while we're talking I go into my closet and piece together an outfit. He sounds like he's driving, I can hear the cars honking and him quietly cursing them out.

"We're supposed to talk, remember. I'm on the way back home, I'll be there in like 15 minutes."

"Okay, I have to shower and get dressed then we'll talk, babe promise."

"Cool, I'll see you in a little. Love you." With that we both hung up and I rushed to get showered before he gets home.

||||

While I'm making a smoothie, Keith walks in the front door and comes to the kitchen, sitting at the island watching me and biting his lower lip.

I turn around and hand him a cup, his body is here but his mind is somewhere else and I'm not sure where.

"Come on, let's talk, Keith." I take his hand and lead him to the living room to sit on the couch.

We're both just looking at each other, studying each others features because this might be the last time we can take it all in. The love I have for this man is something I've never had for anyone else before and I'm not sure I'll ever have it again.

He sighs and opens his mouth to talk then closes it. Then he opens it again to try to think of what to say, "You know, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Like on some real shit, I love you with everything in me and you've always been down for me. Riding with me, helping me find gigs or just being my best friend. I just feel like, right now I need to worry about my career and you need to worry about you. I think it's for the best." He tries to looks into my eyes but my head is down, trying to compose myself.

"How are you gonna try to pull that tired ass line on me! You know, I don't even know how to feel. We have this place together that was your idea but now you want to focus on you. That's so messed up and you don't even see that." My foot is shaking trying to remain calm despite my body feeling on fire from that speech he spilt. I am upset that he wants to breakup, I just wish he gave me a straight up reason instead. Because that shit he talking? I'm not trying to hear.

He's still talking but I'm not hearing him, I'm already up going to our once shared bedroom, packing up some clothes and any other necessities.

As I pull my luggage back out the room and stand in the living room trying to find my phone and keys I threw in my purse, his eyes are on me. "I'm leaving, I'll be back some time for the rest of my stuff. When you want to tell me the real reason you want to break up, you know my number."

As soon as I start to walk to the front door to exit, he stands in front of the door. "I love you okay, I swear, we're just going in two different directions. My career is going really good right now and I need to focus on that. Without feeling drained or distracted."

A tear escapes my eye and slides down my face, "So, now I'm a distraction and draining the life out of you. Wow, you know how to make a girl feel better. Move out of my damn way." He looks down defeated and slowly steps out of my way.

I get into my car and just stare out the window. What just happened? My phone is buzzing again and my mom's face pops up on my screen. I answer the phone and lose it.

"Baby, what's wrong? What happened?!" her voice is calming and I somewhat compose myself enough to tell her.

"Keith...broke up with me, mom. He broke up with me." Saying it makes it feel even more real and the tears start back up, ugly crying, sniffles and all. Two years down the drain and all I have to show for it is a broken heart and broken promises.

My mom tells me to come home and I hear her but am unable to answer back, a croak of an 'Okay' comes out then I hang up. I already know my face looks battered from the cry attack I just had but I don't care. I start driving in silence, thinking about everything we've been through.

____

When I finally finish the story of us, Nitasha and Jo-Lynn are silent and looking at me in shock. The first time I'm telling this story and I still get in my feelings about it.

"Then, do you know after all of that, weeks later he text me trying to be all joe and tell me about some girl he hooked up with? As if he wasn't in my messages a week before that, saying he still loved me and didn't mean what he said."

I don't even realize I'm crying until Jo-Lynn gives me some tissues and sits beside me, rubbing my back in an attempt to comfort me.

"I was so...mad at him. That's why I don't know why I want to give him another chance. Like, I feel dumb because I know how the story is going to end or at least I think I do."

Nitasha has this look in her eyes that she usually gets before she drops some knowledge or drops somebody. Right now, I'm waiting to see which one it is. She comes to sit directly in front me and holds my hands, making sure we're looking at each other.

"Listen, how everything went down I can see why you're wary of letting this nigga in again, I get that. You don't know how this time might go but you'll never know if you never try. I say, take it very slow and see what happens. Let him try some slick shit like that texting about hooking up with a hoe again and see what happens, call my cousins with the quickness." We all laugh and I feel better after her words.

"GIRLS! WHERE YALL AT! I GOT FOOD!" Liandra loud ass voice is echoing all through my damn apartment and we bust out laughing again when she damn near trips over air walking into my bedroom door.

"About damn time, sis." I tell her and get up grabbing all the bags to set them down and look through them for the jungle juice.

I think about what Ni told me, I know that I can't let him in so easily like before. I also know that I need to see what happened with him and crazy before thinking of pursuing any type of relationship; whether it be friends or more.