Pulling out his notepad and pen, Adrian is asking if we decided on what to eat. I give him our order quickly to get him away from the table as fast as possible. Keith and I still needed to talk and his hands were getting extremely sweaty while I held them.
He walks away finally and I focus my attention back to Keith, he's already staring at me with that face he makes when he's in deep thought.
"Did you really think I didn't want to try again?" I pull my hands away, waiting for an answer and my food.
"Yeah I do. Remember when I wanted you back but you weren't into it. We had an awkward phase after we broke up."
"The only awkward part was when you were so inclined to tell me about some random bitch that you smashed. After telling me you made a mistake and wanted to try again. Why did you think that was cool? I was hurt, were you trying to hurt me?"
His eyes are looking everywhere but not at me, like he's trying to get an answer together. He has no idea what he put me through, all the mind games and the spitefulness.
Still doesn't say anything and now he's focused on the painting on the wall.
"Remember, when we were talking and you wanted to know if I still loved you? That was kind of a big thing to me, because even when we broke up I was still in love with you but I didn't want you to know that. I tried to play it off, even when we settled on being just friends. Now that I'm completely healed and over you, you want to come back into the picture and I don't know how to feel about it."
For the most part, I think I got everything out about us. We were never able to have a straight conversation about this, it was always just cut and dry.
Now he's looking at me again. Since I have his attention, I have more to say.
"I just wish, that you kept your promises. We had a life planned, how many kids we wanted. Shit, even the names. I was so down for you, regardless of always traveling. We said forever and you said you'd fight forever to be with me. But it felt like you just gave up on me."
His eyes feel like they're piercing through me right now and I fight the tears that's threatening to spill. This is bringing back so many memories that I tried to bury.
Just as I'm about to yell at Keith to say anything at this point, Adrian is coming with our food. I lost my appetite for the moment so I decide to ask him to bag it up to go, while he leaves to do that, I get my wallet out. Trying to collect myself before I get up to leave, he doesn't even stop me this time. You said what you had to say, leave it at that. I grab my jacket off the back of my seat and walk towards the counter at the front to pay.
"Hi, I bagged up your food and your friends. Are you paying together or separately?"
"Separate. He's at the table still so I'm not sure if he's leaving or staying." I give Adrian my credit card and wait to sign the receipt. Before I leave, I give him a generous tip and he beams the sweetest smile at me.
"Keep your receipt that's in your bag." He tells me then he's off to take another table's order.
As soon as I step out the door, the I'm met with an cool chill. Which is odd for the end of August, I pull my denim jacket around me snugly before jogging to my car. Once I'm inside I let out a sigh of breath I didn't even realize I was holding in.
My phone starts ringing and I can care less to see who it is. At least not right now, I just want to go home and sleep. I'm feeling so drained.
After the heat finally kicks in, I look at my phone to see who it was calling me. I have a missed call from my mom and Keith. With the latter being the most recent call, he also left a voicemail.
I want to get out of here before he tries to come talk to me. He can get a ride home, he has friends here, just not me anymore.
Before I pull off, I use my phone mount in the car and put the voicemail on speaker to hear while I'm driving.
Fixing my rearview, I start to head home.
"Hey Siri, play my voicemail from Keith on speakerphone."
"Playing voicemail from Keith, upside down smiley face, peace sign with medium skinned tone"
Please come back in. I don't know why I didn't say anything, fuck. I just wish I knew how you felt and why I did what I did it was dumb. J please, just come back and let's talk. Or I can come to you, call me back please.
"End of voicemail. Call back?"
"No Siri, thank you. Play 'drive home' playlist on shuffle."
I'm pulling my weight in gold
Call me anxious, call me broke
I can't lift this on my own
I'm pulling my weight in gold
Call me anxious, call me broke
But I can't lift this on my own
•••
issa filler but school is starting and i'm trying to not be in shambles so early in the semester
YOU ARE READING
Been About You
Fanfic"So, you still about me?" "I've always been about you, dummy."
