Been About You

Chptr 9: Options Pt. 2

This morning I thought over what I would sing as the, as Luke would say, womanly perspective for Options. I cried one and a half times thinking over the words to say. The cry session was cut short from Jo-Lynn barging in barking at me for waking her up early in the morning to come with me to the studio.

The ride to the studio is filled with different sounds of rhythmic humming and short phrases of what is supposed to be lyrics. Finally we pull up in the back of the building and hop out, slowly making our way through the double doors. All I see is the back of the tech and Luke facing him, smiling and bobbing his head to what I'm assuming is the beat.

Jo-Lynn enters the room first and I follow, all eyes are on us. It feels like we're in a meat market, I barely noticed Keith was standing to the left of me up against the wall. He looked good I'm not gonna lie but that's not why we're here.

"Hey Lukey, you know Jo." They give each other an awkward smile and I make a mental note to ask her what that was about. Luke and I go into the booth together, nodding once we're situated.

Then he starts to sing and I smile like a Cheshire cat. Every time I heard him sing, I would still get chills he's so underappreciated.
{the indents are Jasmean's parts}
I'm a man, of simple knowledge
I'm a woman, who's prone to violence
It used to be something beautiful
Red flags, regardless
And love used to be our vehicle
But now there's too much mileage
So God forgive me
Because I wish we never hurt our daughter
But on the real, hey she
I'm using everything you taught me
And this lyric is a miracle
And a blessing and a problem
This lyric is a miracle
And a blessing not a problem

Luke backs up from the mic and gives me a look to do the chorus, I could hit him but I swallow that fear and close my eyes to focus on the words,

All I'm tryna say is there's no options,
Baby don't tell me that there's more options
In or out, so what's it gonna be?
'Cause I've never been a fan of running
No more pain, baby just breathe
I would have never saw this future coming
So boy I'm just saying that there's no options
Baby, don't tell me that there's more options

When I open my eyes, I don't realize that I'm crying until Jo-Lynn is at my side with tissues and Luke is excusing the engineer so he can't see me at this time.

So much has gone into me trying to bury the past of what happened but obviously, I still can't. Now, Keith is here and looking at me with hurt and I'm sure curious as to why I was crying in the studio.

"You good, lil mama?" Luke asks me as he's standing in the doorway of the booth, giving me that same sympathetic smile that I was surrounded by when that happened.

"Yeah, I just had a moment. Was that enough or do you want me to do the second verse?"

"Uh," he scratches the tip of his nose and I when he does that he's about to ask me for another favor, "I actually wanted you to do the whole song...with me just coming in for the hook."

Jo whispers in my ear that I don't have to do it but in a way it's good for me if I did do it. I never really talked about what happened in depth, I just had something done and kept it moving. Completely ignoring the emotional scarring it had on me. Not even volunteering the information to the other partner in this web of hurt.

"Only because I love you and this song I will do it. But can you guys give me a second to talk to Keith." He's been staring at me this whole time, I could tell he wanted to try to comfort me but the disregard I showed for him when I came in was for sure a sign for him to stay away.