Why?

Why? Chapter Nineteen

"You ready to go?" Liam's arm wrapped over my shoulder and leaning into me. 

"Uh, we can stay for a while longer, you should go chat with Courtney." I suggested, turning and grinning at him. He raised his eyebrows at me in uncertainty and shifted away from me to look down at me a little closer.

"I'm serious Liam." I stated, giving him a flat look. He nodded and gave my shoulder one more time before walking off briskly and leaving me alone. I shot one quick glance back at Liam before spinning and running off towards the gym. I had to get things straight with Kade.

I hurridly ran down the halls, avoiding the few people that were still there and turned into the double doors, I looked through the narrow windows and watched Kade kick a ball against a wall, angrily. I silently pushed the doors open and walked around towards him. 

"Hi." I stated, not knowing what else to say. He whipped around, his eyes widened in surprise and he stepped away from me. My chest panged at his hurt towards me. He looked around avoiding eye contact and waiting for the ball to roll back to him. 

"I don't want us to just awkwardly fade out, I want to know whether or not we're attempting a long distance relationship or taking a break while I'm gone or just flat out breaking up; but I have to know what we're really doing."

I twisted my arms together waiting for him to say something, but he just stood there looking at me. His eyes blank and his lips set in a straight line. I stared back at him awaiting his answer but I wasn't getting anything. 

His lips moved in some way but nothing came out.

"What?" 

"I don't know." He breathed out, casting his eyes downward. 

"Oh." I made my way over to the bleachers and sat down, hoping he'd take a seat near me so we could figure this out.

"Honestly, while I'm out there I really won't have a ton of time to maintain a relationship, early mornings and most likely late nights with busy days; it'd be rough to keep up a relationship constantly." I admitted, my hands twisted together, pulling my fingers in the most uncomfortable angles. 

"So are we taking a break or completely breaking up then?" He blurted, the hurt plane in his voice. I was tempted to look up at him but realized that could be my worst idea so chose against it.

"I don't know, what do you think?" I confessed, I felt like a break would turn into a break up and it just wouldn't end well but I didn't really want to end us either. I finally got the courage to look up at him and the way he just looked at the floor, so empty and heartbroken made me want to go to him and kiss his pain away and tell him I'd be with him forever, but I can't. 

"We both know taking a break will end up as a breakup." He agreed. I just nodded painfully as I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

The bleachers creaked next to me and I looked over at Kade's slumped over stature. I felt my heart cracking as it sunk in that this may be our last moments in a relationship.

In one swift movement to embrace our last moment I landed in front of him and placed my lips on his, placing my hands on both sides of his face making sure to keep him in place. He quickly wrapped his arms around my torso and pulled me onto his lap. We grabbed at each other like we were the last bits of life we had left and this would keep us alive. He held me and pressed me tighter against him, I tangled my fingers in his hair, desperate to keep him as close as possible.

When he pulled away he kept his arms wrapped around me and I stayed straddling him and leaned my for head against his. I closed my eyes and just rested against him, happy to be with just him. I wished we could just stay like this, staying here with Kade sounded so tempting but I had to do this for my future right.

"I love you." He whispered once more before pulling his head away again, he left his hands slightly on my hips.

"I know, I love you too." I answered, taking my hands off his face and wrapping them around his shoulders. I kissed his for head once more, before standing up and backing away.

"I have to go, Liam's probably waiting for me now." I avoided, looking at the bamboo colored floor.

"Yeah, right. It's late, I need to head home anyway." He babbled out.

"Goodbye Kade." I whispered locking eyes with him one last time before looking away and walking out the door.

We were over.

                                                                                    ***

"Liam did you steal any of my underwear?!" I screamed at him, I couldn't find my purple flowery thongs and they were one of my top five favorite pairs. 

"What the hell? Why would I want your so-called underwear?!" He shouted back, his voice dancing with amusement and confusion.  I rolled my eyes and continued rifling through my drawers, I had most of my riding clothes tossed onto my bed, in three piles, clean, dirty, questionable. I grabbed a pair of socks off the ground, the stench hit my nose before I even brought it up to my nose and threw it into the dirty pile. 

I popped into my closet and pulled off more flannels and tossed them onto the clean pile. Seeing I had all the basics I decided to write Stellar back and inform them of my decision so I could get together all the paperwork and talk to my parents about it. 

All these pieces were finally falling into place, except Kade and I, we were falling apart. 

A/N: Wow I'm actually impressed I've updated in what? A two week timetable. I deserve a reward for that! OH WAIT I ALREADY HAVE ONE!!! our duckling is the bestttt reward omg. his name is Junior and he's precious I adore him wow. 

okaay hopefully I'll be able to update soon,  I may write more tonight and have chapters to update over the next few weeks since I have weddings but i'm not sure if i'll be good for more chapters or not :// 

peacee

xx