just brain things.

letter to licia.

Hi Licia.

You'll never read this.

And maybe that's for the best.

Fuck.

That's the only thing I can say.

Fuck.

I'm sorry.

How long have we known each other?

8 years?

Idk.

I was the first person that talked to you when you began in our class, that's who I was, the one who tried to get everyone to be friends.

And I don't regret it.

You're an amazing person, Lici.

You know..

I didn't know I was your only friend in first grade. Heck, in second and third grade too.

I'm sorry.

I just thought you were a bit too possessive over me. I wanted everyone to be friends and my friends started to dislike you for "stealing" me.

So I kind of pushed you away?

We even had these best friend necklaces in silver.

It's still in the drawer among my socks.

You remember right?

I really loved it.

It was so pretty.

I still remember your face when F gave me another bff necklace. One with two teddy bears.

I'm sorry.

I liked yours better.

But I didn't want to hurt her.

Actually, I've never liked the words "best friend". Why do I have to grade my friends? It's just stupid.

But you really was among my best friends.

You were shy for those first years.

But not with me.

I'm happy (:

You told me some months ago that you hated going to school after I started to push you away.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know.

In third or fourth grade we started having a little group.

You were in it too.

You didn't like the others did you?

I noticed.

But you liked me and I liked you so you were at least a bit happy.

I hope.

Some of the others didn't like you.

Of course they told me, since I was the only one holding the group together. I got angry at them.

You're clingy and you tend to brag about the smallest of things.

But that's what makes you you.

And I like you.

They thought of you as a spoiled brat that complained about everything.

You were a bit spoiled haha.

But not with everything.

We had this class trip in fourth grade to Gotland, remember that?

That time when I sobbed into your chest screaming about how "fucking dumb and mean and idiotic" the others were.