Secrets and Lies

Finally gone from living Hell

 

            I woke up with butterflies in my stomach. Today is the day. I am finally going to boarding school. Finally leaving this shithole of a home behind me and moving somewhere people actually cared about you, hopefully. Whilst walking to the bathroom I grabbed the remote control of the stereo and turned the volume up. ‘Smile’ from Avril Lavigne drowned out the rest of the world and I was alone. In a tiny room that barely fit a shower. With the water enclosing me into an even smaller space. My whole life I had been locked up, stuffed away into closets, little storage rooms, or even ‘just’ under the bed. Today was the day all that would change. I would finally be gone, move to the beach in Marbella, and I would never have to look back. I could forget the past: start a new life! After 5,475 days, I would finally be free.  

            “And that’s whyyy I smile, it’s been a while, since everyday and everything has felt this right!” I grabbed my shampoo bottle and began singing along, jumping up and down, going out of my mind. I hadn’t felt this happy in so long that I wouldn’t let anyone ruin this moment. Not the thought of the Child Care Centre picking me up in an hour to take me away, not the thought of my lost dad, and definitely not the thought of my mother.

            I spent ages in the shower, waiting until my skin began to wrinkle. I used up all of my mother’s expensive lotions, for which she had somehow found the money to pay for, and got dressed.  Skinny jeans from Diesel, a checkered plaid shirt from A&F, under it a brown tank top, and to finalize my new self: slip-on vans. I took a good look at myself in the smudged mirror and smiled. All my hard work, all those late-nights at the Burger Shop, turning pieces of meat over and over again on the hot stove, finally paid off. I had gotten the look I wanted: the look of a girl that has always been happy. I outlined my eyes with black eyeliner and added some mascara to make my chestnut eyes seem even darker.

            I was ready. Ready for my new life to begin. For my new life as Sarah Emerson. The shrill sound of the doorbell pulled me out of my daydreams. I grabbed my two overflowing suitcases and did a 360. One last glance at my old home and I was out the door, slamming it shut behind me. I felt the floor vibrate as it fell into its lock. I walked towards the rusty old elevator that I was scared to enter every single time, scared that it would fall apart.  Downstairs, Ms. Nicolson was already waiting for me; her IPhone clung to her ear and her Blackberry in hand. She was typing eagerly, hitting the keyboard as if she meant to smash the phone with her bare hands and speaking loudly into the other phone. I wish I even had the money to afford a phone, I sighed. Some people just had so much money, while others had none. It was unfair.

            Ms. Nicolson didn’t even notice me approaching her so once I tapped her on the shoulder she turned around, ready to give another stranger in her life a stampede, put the file away and forget about it. She smiled and mouthed, “One sec” with her freshly glossed lips. Why would someone her age where bright red lipstick? I didn’t understand the world sometimes. She hung up but continued typing on the Blackberry. I stood around her awkwardly, waiting for her to finally finish so I could leave this apartment building for good.

            Suddenly I felt someone touch my shoulder so I turned around. There he was, the guy that had always helped me through everything. He had always been there for me. He was actually the only person I felt bad about leaving behind. When I was 5, he drove me to the playground on the other side of town. When I was 7, he took me to the hospital after I stepped into the shatter glass pieces of what had once been my mom’s favorite mug. When I was 10, he had helped me with my Math homework that seemed like it would never end. Now, when I was 15, he had helped me through my first break-up. I felt tears rising up in my throat. I couldn’t say a word, it was as if my tongue had been cut out of my mouth or my lips had been glued together with super-glue. He pulled me in for a hug and I felt his safe arms around mine. For the last time, he was protecting me from everyone else in the lobby. But that was it, after this, I would be on my own. I wouldn’t have him to save me from the bad boys in the sandbox, or the bad boys who wanted nothing but it. A single tear rolled down my face and when I pulled away, I noticed that it reflected off on his face too. There were millions of tears running down his face. I had never seen a guy cry and this, almost broke my heart.