Chasing Cameron

10

We got back to the hotel and there were fans sitting on the curb waiting for us and they stayed their ground so we got through the entrance very easily.

I walked ahead of everyone. I just wanted to get away. "Maddie" Cameron called out from behind me but I kept walking. "Maddison" Cam said a little louder and ran to catch up to me. He grabbed my wrist and I stopped walking and looked at him. "I just need to be alone right now okay? I'm going up to the room if you need me." And with that I left.

I went up to our hotel room a member from the camera crew followed me. My breathing started to hitch and my eyes started to water. "Breathe Maddie." I told myself. "Maddie relax okay." I heard the camera guy say and I closed my eyes and nodded my head. I opened my eyes back up and let a few tears slide down my cheeks. I slowed my breathing down after a while and sat down on the bed.

"Do you get panic attacks often?" The camera man asked me. "No. I used to get them in high school. Whenever I was super stressed out I would get them. I got them very frequently in high school and for a while after high school. It's been a while since I've had to live that life again."

"So are you stressed out right now?" He asked and I looked down and then back up at the camera. "Yeah I guess you can say that. Everything that's happened lately is just really crazy and then all of the fans crowding in on me and shoving and tugging me. It was just too much to handle. I felt like I was dying."

"Do you think that eventually it'll all get too much for Cameron?" He asked and I really had to think about that. Cam tends to hide his emotions very well but you can always tell when something is up. "If it does I'll be right by his side just like he was with me."

•

There were 2 hours until the show started and Cam and I grabbed our stuff and went down to the lobby to wait for the tour bus.

We met some fans in the lobby and took pictures with them and then waited for our tour bus. Then we got outside and I looked at all the fans crowding the entrance and I didn't know what to think. It's great that they're excited for Cameron but with what happened the other day, I could already feel my breathing become a little unsteady.

"You ready?" Cam asked me and I nodded my head. Just like the other day, one at a time guards helped us get into our rides and I could see Cameron and the guards being shoved and pushed. And then it was my turn.

I was in a circle of guards and even then I was being shoved around and I felt like I was dying. I've never felt so claustrophobic in my entire life.

Eventually I made it to the car and got inside with Cameron. I looked at him and he seemed very unsteady. I think we were both feeling the same thing.

"Baby you okay?" He asked me and I looked at him and cleared my throat. "Yeah I'm fine." By the look of him I should be asking him the same thing.

He looked out of the window as we started driving and his eyes started to swell with tears. "Cameron" I grabbed onto his hand but he still wouldn't look at me. His hands started to shake a little. "I can't do this." He said and let a tear slide down his cheek. "What? Do what? Cam what's wrong?" I asked him and took his hands in mine.

"I can't do this." He started to cry a little and it broke my heart. "Cam it's going to be okay. Look at me." He finally looked at me with his watery eyes. "Tell me what you want to do." I told him. "I don't think I can do the show. I can't do this."

We arrived to the venue and his hands started shaking. "Maddison I can't." His breathing started to pick up and he started to cry. I tried my best to calm him down. "Hey hey Cam, you don't have to do the show okay? Not like this. Let's go take a walk or something." I tried my best to stay calm for him but my voice was all over the place.

We stepped out of the van and he walked away and tried to control his breathing. "We're gonna go for a walk okay?" I asked and he nodded his head. I grabbed 2 sweaters from the van and 2 pairs of sunglasses in hope that it will disguise us.

We put the hoodies and the sunglasses on and started to walk away from the venue. But before we left I let Bart know that Cameron couldn't do the show because he was having a panic attack.

We started to walk and Cam's breathing was still all over the place so I grabbed his hand hoping that it would make him relax a little and luckily it did.

About half an hour later of walking in silence I decided to talk because he was completely relaxed.

"You okay Cam?" I asked him and he nodded his head. I sincerely smiled at him and he made a small smile back. After a minute he finally spoke. "Maddie I just want to say thank you for staying by my side. I just don't know what's happening." He sighed. "It just all got a little too much Cam."

"You had a panic attack. I don't know if you remember but I used to get them very often." I told him and he nodded his head. "I remember." He mumbled holding back some memories. "You know I had one the other day, at the hotel. A small one." He stopped walking and looked at me. "Maddie why didn't you tell me? That's serious." He asked. "Cause I didn't want you to worry."

"Maddie you having a panic attack give me every reason to worry. You can't keep stuff like that from me." His tone of voice changed to a more angry concerned tone and I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "I know and I'm sorry Cameron. I am. I really just didn't want you to worry."

"I'll tell you next time. It's just with everything that's going on I didn't want to add something else to your shoulders. I'm sorry." He pulled me in for a hug and kissed the top of my head. "C'mon, let's keep walking." He said softly.

"What's the first thing you're going to do when you get home?" I asked Cam. Our break was a few shows away but I just wanted to change the subject. "Well I was going to say try and get my sleeping schedule back on track but we're just going to start traveling again, so I'll probably cuddle with my girl." He said and I playfully shoved him and rolled my eyes.

"Seriously!" I said making us both laugh. "I'm gonna go house hunting with Aaron and Chris." Cameron was planning on moving to a bigger place in the future and I think it'll be cool if him and the guys move in together.

"What about you?" He asked and I shrugged. "I don't know yet. I guess we'll see what happens."