Chasing Cameron

16

Australia

We are in Australia!! 

I'm super excited to be here and so is everyone else. I have been looking forward to this trip for a very long time because I've never been and I've always wanted to make a trip here and it's finally happening! 

We arrived at the hotel and Trey showed up but Taylor never did. "Have you seen or talked to Taylor?" Cam asked me and I shook my head. "No, you didn't see his livestream? He basically explained everything to everyone." I think meeting all of these people in a day is physically and mentally draining Taylor and I feel for him. If Taylor physically can't do it then I honestly don't think that he should. It is going to disappoint a lot of fans but we're talking about Taylor's mental state.

"Well Taylor not being here is going to upset a lot of fans." Cameron said to me. "Yeah it is but this whole thing is taking its toll on him. If he can't physically do it then I don't think he should." I simply said. "Yeah I guess you're right." 

Perth, Australia

We were at the venue in Perth getting ready or the show and Bart is currently not here. Cameron basically gave him time away from all of this and all of the little problems so he can focus more on expanding the business. 

The show is about to start and everyone seems pretty out of it. Like there is no energy. Hopefully the guys can get the crowd going and gain some energy as the show goes on. 

"What's up Perth." I heard Cam say into he mic and it was super dull and not exciting whatsoever, it kind of made me laugh though. "That sounded horrible!" Aaron commented and Cam laughed. "How's it going Perth" Aaron mocked Cameron in a dull tone and I realized that it was moments like this that made touring fun. I loved seeing the guys laugh and joke around and just having a good time despite everything that goes on.

Some of the guys went on stage and I walked up to Cameron before he went on. "I'm so like out of it. I don't even wanna go out there." Cam said. "You'll do great." I said and he pecked my lips. "I love you." He smiled and I smiled back. "I love you too." I responded. "How adorable Aaron commented before he went onstage and I playfully rolled my eyes. "What's up Australia!" Cam said when he got onstage. The guys weren't feeling it right now. Maybe everyone is exhausted from their flight? I know I am.

Cameron and Aaron came off of the stage and their intro. "I'm so like, ugh" he said and I laughed at the face he made. "That was the worst opening ever." He added and I shrugged. "I don't know, I thought it was pretty cool." I said and he laughed cause he knew I was joking. "I can always count on my girlfriend to joke around about everything." He said and I flipped my hair over my shoulder. "What can I say? I'm just that legit." I smirked and Aaron laughed. "I love having you around Mads."

"I don't even want to be here right now." Cameron said before heading back downstairs. Well I can already tell just by everyone's mood and attitude that this wasn't going to be a good show. 

I went downstairs and sat next to Cam on the couch and he looked super into thought. "What's on your mind Cam?" I asked. "Honestly, everything." I think that a lot goes on in Cam's head. He wants to make sure that everyone is happy, the talent, the fans, he always likes to put other people before himself. His fans are literally number one to him. Sometimes I worry that if he doesn't put himself first every once in a while his mental state might get worse. He's already had a panic attack and I feel like that was just the beginning of what could come down the rode. I feel like Taylor didn't come for a good reason. It gets a little too much sometimes and he had to step back and take care of himself before things could've potentially gotten bad.

Cam and Aaron went back out to do meet and greets and I went out there with them. I was standing little ways from Cam and I was keeping an eye on him. He didn't look too good. Whatever was happening inside of his head was winning. I recognized this look. He looks super frantic, he looks like he's not focusing on what's happening outside but more on what's happening on the inside, he looks kind of worried. I saw his breathing hitch and I saw that he was trying to control it. He is about to have a panic attack.

Just thinking about Cam having another panic attack scared me. I used to get them and they aren't fun. I looked at Cam worried and he called Darrick over to him and told him something. Then Becky and I went over to him. "I'm gonna have to leave." He said. "No, you can't leave." Becky responded. "No, I'm going to have to leave." He looked at me with worried eyes and I nodded my head. I grabbed his hand and led him out of the meet and greets. 

We got backstage and behind the curtains. He started to walk away from me a little and I grabbed his hand. "Hey, look at me." I said calmly. "No, I don't wanna be here." He started to cry and I hated seeing him like this. Especially because this used to happen to me. 

"Hey Cam, everything is going to be okay." I said and he started to cry more. "I just don't wanna be here." His breathing started to speed up and I grabbed both his hands and he brought me into him and rested his head on my shoulder. "Breathe Cameron, I really need you to breathe." My voice cracked, I couldn't handle seeing him like this. It breaks my heart every time. "I don't wanna be here anymore." He cried on my shoulder. "I know Cam."

"Do you want to go lay down or something?" I asked him. "No, I don't want to be here at all." He lifted his head off of my shoulder and looked at me. "Do you want to go back to the hotel? Where do you want to go? Tell me and I'll make it happen."

"I want to go home."