People come up to me now and are like 'so what's your dad like?'. And all I can say is that I don't have a dad. I know of an older man who claims to share the same genetics as me. But honestly, I pray to god that I'm never like you. I hope I never turn out like you. I hope I never look, act or talk like you. I don't want to have even the slightest resemblance of you. Because I never want to be a monster. And if we're going to be blunt and serious, that's really all you are.
I hate who I am because of you. It's your fault I hate myself. It's your fault that I can't commit myself to anything. It's your fault I can't trust anyone. But honestly, what's the point in admitting anything to you? You don't care. You don't give a shit about anyone or anything other than you. Because you're better than all of us, right? You've got your top shit job and bitch of a girlfriend. And apart from that, nothing else matters because nothing else could ever be as good as you. Not even my mum. She was never good enough for you. She was never your ideal wife. She was merely a time-passer. A joke. You don't get to talk to her anymore. You don't get to say things that make her feel like shit. You don't get to tell her to kill herself. You don't get to leave her with nothing. You don't get to hurt her; physically or emotionally. Not anymore. You were never good enough for her. She's a trillion times the person you are and ever will be. It was never the other way around. I'll never understand why she married you or claimed to love you. How could anyone love you? Why would someone attach themselves to you only to be treated like absolute shit and dropped? Which is why you're not going to come anywhere near my family again and put us through all your bullshit. We're done with that and with you.
Kitiah's three now. Not like you'd know. Do you even remember her? I'd bet my life on the fact that you don't. She's beautiful and probably the only thing I'll thank you for. Without you, she wouldn't exist and without her, I wouldn't either. You did her a favor by ditching her before she took her first breath. That way she'll never have to know the disappointment of a father that you are. She'll never know you and I'll make sure you never know her. You don't deserve to love her. You don't deserve any of us.
And Dakita? Remember your last words to him? I most certainly do. Did you know they were carved into my arm for the next year? If you'd hung around a week longer, you would have been able to see him fulfil your wish. That would've made you happy, right? That would have satisfied your ongoing desire to be better than everyone else and control everything around you. You made him feel like nothing. Did you even realise? You made him hate himself. You made him hate his life. You made him jump. And I'll never forgive you for taking my bestfriend.
This is the first time I've actually wasted a few minutes thinking of you since you left. I'd like to know where you are so that I can move as far away as possible from you. I heard you and your bitch had a kid. I honestly hope from the bottom of my heart that he leads an amazing life. I really do. I give him my kindest regards. Because I know what's going to happen. I know that soon you'll get bored and ruin his life like you did to me. And I hope that when that day comes, he'll be stronger than you and you'll realise that you aren't better than everyone else. That you can't fuck people around and come out okay. Because I can only imagine the karma that you're going to face someday.
I'm not sorry. I mean everything I'm saying. And I'm glad I did what I did to you. I don't regret anything. But I hope you do. See you in hell.
Not much love.
