H0w !$ yuh bbghee?!!1!! 3hma9awd 1'm g3wd! !'m typin lyk diz bekuz iz sew kewl! dunt yuh agreh!!?!?!??!//1 lol 1'm n@wt akchully laffin' bu+ i d1dn'+ no wat 2 say, so 1 sed lol. LoL!!
If I ever start typing like that, ever in my whole life, anyone and everyone has full permission to grab a shovel, set it on fire and hit me over the head with it before throwing me into a shark-infested tank full of centipedes. What the shit, guys? Why do you's type like that? I can't understand a fucking word you're saying. And then you wonder why no one likes you? Dude, come on. You're throwing yourself into a hole that you dug yourself. Why can't you just spell properly so that we can have a regular conversation that doesn't leave me sitting here for three hours trying to work out what you're saying? And then you say 'fk u'. Dude, I know my alphabet okay? I realise that f, k and u are all letters. What the actual fuck are you trying to say? To 'fk' me? Sure, I'll go eff kay myself, whatever the fuck that means. And maybe while I'm busy fk'ing myself, you might want to grab out a dictionary and familiarise yourself with some fucking words that you can use in conversation. I'll 'fk u' while you 'lss'. Learn some shit.
And to everyone who uses numbers as words. 'Want 2 hang owt?' No, bitch, I do not want two hang owt. Because if we do hang owt, I'll actually have to pretend to listen to the bullshit that flies out of your mouth. Maybe if you stopped speaking in numbers we could have a nice conversation. Do you want 2 have frendz bebz? No? Good, because with that bullshit you won't be getting any.
And for the love of the almighty saviour, Jesus Christ, please don't use the term; 'YOLO'. Whoever abbreviated that needs to have a burning squirrel attack them. Oh my gosh. Okay, sure. You only live once. It's the truth, yes. I'm not arguing or denying the truth behind it. But what the actual fuck? Is it really that difficult to say 'you only live once'? If so, please shoot me now. And stop fucking using it as an excuse for everything. I burnt my house down today, YOLO! I ate off the ground today, YOLO! I threw a raw chicken at my friend, YOLO! I ran from Japan to America, even though that makes no sense because YOLO! I gave a homeless person $20 and my virginity, YOLO! And with that status, I immediately go to your wall, unfriend and block you. Have a nice day, bitch.
I get it if you're rushing to be somewhere and you have to quickly send off a message or something. Or you're half asleep and can't see what you're typing. If you have an epically brilliant reason, then I retract all previous comments. BUT, if you do this shit all the time when you have the time and mental capacity to write proper words, then we cannot be friends ever.
Much love.
