The Day It All Change( G Eazy )

Hills

We don't know what's gonna happen to us. We think we know what we want and how our life will end up with the mind set we have at the time. But that would be boring and we would never grow. I see that the text from Sage was destiny stirring me not away but helping me to go where I needed to go. Our night of passion grew to something so much more. It made our daughter.

I never knew I could love to the point it scares me. The kind of love that will drive you crazy and you can't love them fully because your soul and mind couldn't bare it. That's the feeling I have with Camila when she called me dad for the first time, when she hugs me, and when I got her out of the jumpy house when she was scared. I see her and I see my 4'0 world walking around me as she laughs and ventures through this life with such a brave spirit. She reminds me of Sage when she insist to do something on her own or when she smiles. She is tough girl but has the sweetest heart. Yes, she says random things but hell that's being four. 

As for Sage I can't explain how much she makes me think about life. I see the light in her eyes that can bring you hope and wild fire that blazes you as she is not ready to give up. I see her fall to pieces at night just so she can put herself back together in the morning. She reminds to keep fighting with your head up high. I remember sitting next to her outside as we watched the sunset. I looked at her and saw her eyes widen as they glisten from staring hard at the sun. 

"You ok?" I asked her. She didn't look at me when she said breathlessly, "Its so beautiful"

"Yeah the sunset is nice"

"I love it. I love how the sun falls and takes all the rich colors with it. I mean look at it. I mean really, really, really look at this. We are here to see such beauty," 

I chuckled at her response but did as she said. I looked at the sunset for a few seconds with her words in my mind and something clicked. Staring at the horizon as the sweet red and orange ombre were fading as the sun made its way to orbit the other side of the world I got it. 

It was beautiful. It was a weird feeling honestly. My eyes were physically open but it felt like another pair of eyes were opening. I guess some yoga instructor or the Dali lama would say I open my "third eye" or whatever. I just really noticed the sunset and its external beauty. Its energy that radiated to me as Sage and I admired it together. 

I tried to look at the world like that now. I look at the people around me and stare at them and say to myself, "I really do have you in my life. You're my family or friend" 

I would stared across from the table and watch Sage eat her scramble eggs and I could feel my eyes watering. Sometimes it wasn't Sage but Camila as I catch her playing with her stuff animals in her room and say, "That's my daughter. I'm really her dad". The realization is like a wave that washes over me and makes me feel tense but relaxed as I remind myself its a good feeling. 

With this in mind you may understand why I proposed to Sage. Life is too short to wait for tomorrow and in Sage's case I'm never sure when its gonna be our last time. That's why we decided to get married a week after valentines day. 

"Bro you look good stop fidgeting" snapped Marty as he couldn't take hearing my hands readjusting my tie up and down.