fated, not | jung jaehyun

19 {Dead}

JAEHYUN'S P.O.V

Everything collapsed around me. I never thought this day would come. I had promised myself to not let Minhee come to any harm. I guess I never even had the chance to.

I blame myself for all this, for everything. It had been a week since that tragedy happened. If only she didn't know the truth...

I already felt like I wasn't myself. "Minhee..." I sobbed into my pillow. I had been lying here ever since she passed. I attended her funeral. During that day, even the sky cried.

I held a knife to my neck in front of the mirror in my bathroom on the day when she was buried, but I can't bring myself to do it. I told Minhee not to do it, but now it was my turn.

"Jaehyun, can you please come and have lunch?" I heard my mother shouting from downstairs. I've skipped meals, time and again. I've not eaten food for a week now. Everytime I look at myself in the mirror, my cheekbones were so defined. I felt lighter every single day. I definitely lost a whole lot of weight.

Everytime I think about letting go, the image of Minhee crying hits my head really hard. It is as though God is making me feel guilty on purpose. I never want to let go. Ever since returning from the hospital on that day, I couldn't cry. Nothing triggered me but I was so broken that nothing could ever patch me up. Not even anyone could. 

I need Minhee back in my life.

I always wake up, feeling refreshed and always feel like I want to hang out and go on a date with her, to only be reminded that she was gone.

Never in a million years have I imagined my life without her. A girl who never got close to me from the beginning had started to play a big role in my life. Sometimes, I think, should I ever pick myself up again?

I comfort myself at times, telling myself that Minhee would not want me to suffer like this. But, I can't bring myself to live my life like an average person when she just left not too long ago.

I never even had the chance to say my last wishes for her and she just left.

When you're around someone for so long, they become a part of you. When they leave, you don't know who you are without them.

I never visited her grave. I promised to be with her but I broke it. Promises are meant to be broken, isn't it?

I don't want to be reminded of anything regarding that depressing day. It sucks to have someone abandon you behind and just, leave, doesn't it? I felt my air sucked out from my lungs everytime I saw her smile in my dreams. It was as though she never left, and always right next to me.

I picked up the little necklace that I gifted her while she was still in this world with me. That was the only thing related to her that I kept. I placed it around my neck and clicked it into place.

My heart was filled with so much regrets. We didn't have a photo together. None at all. Why did I not think of capturing all the precious moments that I had with her?

I did not shower her with enough love. Was that why she decided to give up and let go of all support?

She is always at the back of my mind, 24/7 and there was no way I could get rid of her. She was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

She will always be remembered.

Minhee.

A/N:
Surprise! This was just a short thought process that I thought was essential. I was crying while reading my own stories. Pathetic me.

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