say something | l.s.

- Chapter 32 -

an/ at the end please read (kinda important)

Songs:

Eyes closed by the narrative

Say Something cover by Pentatonix (seriously hear it best thing ever)

*

“Louis? Are you listening to what I’m saying?” I almost shout to make him hearing me clearly. We’re coming from the library now to our dorm. I was asking him if he wanted to eat dinner out and then maybe we could give another try to ourselves by going to the cinema, but if it’s for him to be in this silence with a blank expression I prefer to just go to the dorm and watch a movie by myself.

He slowly looks at me to meet my gaze but he just stares some seconds to look away again “No.” he simply answers and I want to shove him against the wall and shout at him to wake up for life because it’s pissing me off. And this is new.

“You’ve been like this for weeks, can you stop?” I say but it’s not really a question and I’m not saying this in a harsh tone or I think it’d be worst for us. When he doesn’t say anything, for my relief, I continue “I know when you don’t listen to the other is because you’re thinking too much.” His head must be a place full of thoughts and it’s sad that I still haven’t had the chance to break the wall that is stopping me to know every secret, every thought, every idea he has in that head of his. I still don’t know half of it. “What have you been thinking lately?” I’m direct because I really want to know what’s been bothering him, if it’s something… I just hope it’s not related to the words I spoke while we had sex. But I don’t think it is, because if that he’d have said something at the time, he wouldn’t have given me a small smile and he wouldn’t be so relaxed and happy–well, normal the whole day.

“Nothing.” And he has been talking less to me, just the necessary and always small sentences.

“Lou…” I speak softly but we keep walking. His head is still looking forward however my eyes don’t look away from him. “Please tell me…”

“I-I’ve been…” he starts but his voice cracks and he stops. I wait a bit expecting him to continue “I think I am in…“ He stops again with a sigh and his words just make my heart beating so fast. I wait and wait but he doesn’t continue and it makes me mad. Not mad from upset, mad from crazy because I want him to end that sentence. The anxiety about wanting to know what he was going to say kills me on the inside.

“God, you’ve been acting so weird Louis!” I say instead of Fucking end that sentence because you’re slowly killing me.

“I’m not!” He says and finally adds some expression in his face and another tone instead of the cold and soulless I’ve been listening from him

“Yes you are, I want my Louis back.” He murmurs something in reply, something that I’m not sure if I heard correctly. Something like I’m not your Louis. I hope I’m wrong and I just heard it badly but I don’t ask him to repeat afraid of the answer. Afraid of being right.

~*~

“I’m heading to the practise!” Louis says focused on putting his stuff on the bag. I look up from the book I was reading – Louis’ influences – to look at him. I think he got more beautiful since the day we met. This thought already came up on my mind more than once but I pulled it away because how’s that even possible? The beauty he had was huge, it’d be impossible to gain more. But now I see how wrong I was and yes he got more beautiful.

“Okay, be careful!” I speak the same words I say every time before he goes out from that door and before he walks towards me to give me a kiss of goodbye. But this time he’s walking directly to the door without even giving me a second glance “Oi!” I protest “Aren’t you forgetting about something?” He looks above his shoulder when stops and raises me his eyebrow “My kiss.” I give him a cheeky smile hoping that he comes back to normal but then he gives me a frown. However, for my relief – and my health because I thought I was going to have a break down here – he walks back, with a sight, towards my bed and leans over to press our lips together. At first I feel like he’s so tense, I feel like he just wants to pull away because this is feeling differently but then his hand rests on my cheek while moving his lips in synchrony with mines. When he pulls back he joins our foreheads and caresses my cheek with his thumb. I look at him with a smile on my lips but he’s with his eyes closed. “Lou.” I whisper noticing his expression. I think I’m really getting crazy but I’m sure his expression is from pure sadness but he’s thoughtful and I think that’s why he looks sad. His thoughts are killing him, I want to help but I can’t because I don’t have a clue about what is bothering him. We’ve been doing things right and slowly, I don’t know what made him like this.